Would You Recognize a Don Juan?

29.03.2010 | By: T. G.

Read about what a don juan looks like, what their characters are really like and what has made them want to move from one woman to the next.

The looks of a don juan aren’t clearly defined and his personal characteristics aren’t easy to define as well.

What does a don juan look like?

Don juans are good-looking, tall, attractive men, who know how to behave in an attractive way, who know how to connect with people and are very forward. They emanate a special attraction to the opposite sex. Don juans make their conquests everywhere, they’re unstoppable and give the impression of being immensely happy in their “constant” victories.

Besides these “brilliant”, obvious and well-known characteristics, these seducers have a host of hidden character traits, which female partners hardly see in the short time they have to get to know them. Psychiatrists explain the origins of the don juan neurotic personality in different ways. Some think it starts developing in early childhood and early adolescence, when a mother neglected her son because of other children and her husband.

Don Juan isn't only one. There are many of them around. (jlp)

What lurks behind the arrogance of a don juan?

The lack of his mother’s love supposedly gives a don juan an incentive to seek it in constant romantic adventures. Others believe that a don juan is a result of too much maternal "surface" love, unreal, unemotional, so-called “monkey” love, which intoxicates and spoils a child. Don juans never fully grow up and mature. Some draw parallels to only children, “the eternal children” who are hard on others, but perform their own duties anything but perfectly. They are supposed to be selfish, spoiled, quick to take offence and often burdened with the feeling of inferiority. They try to hide this feeling with apparent harshness, bossiness and arrogance. Don juans stay close to their mother for a long time because they feel good around her.

Don juans are basically immature and are looking for self-confirmation in constant conquests

A don juan is basically a neurotic, immature, maladjusted person and someone who is not happy with himself. Beneath the mask of his conquests, he wants to prove he’s a mature man, which he is not. The need for constant self-confirmation takes these eternal seducers from one woman to the next. They never stay with one woman for too long because they have to prove themselves over and over again because they are afraid someone would find out how insecure they really are. They are usually highly skilled lovers who know the secrets of the physiology of the female sexual experience in great detail. That’s why they focus all of their strategy into sexual foreplay (essential for the appropriate female sexual experience), with which they can satisfy their partners despite a minimal or even inadequate sexual potency from them. Because they are, just like all neurotics, sexually less potent, they stay with one partner only for short periods, or this deficiency of theirs would sooner or later come out into the open.

From dusk until dawn and then “swoosh” into the arms of another beauty. (jlp)

These men find professional counsellors very late. Their narcissistic arrogance doesn’t allow them to share their troubles with someone else. They are afraid that the women they use to show their skills would find their weaknesses. They only seek counsel when they become so sexually impotent that their seduction prowess is of no use anymore. It can also happen that they are brought in by women they are emotionally attached to, but the women have seen past their charms or have seen their sexual impotence.

Don juans find it difficult to be faithful

Despite his hyper-individual orientation, there is a chance for a long relationship with a woman. If such a don juan becomes emotionally attached to one woman and marries her - or he marries her for other reasons (money, social position, other benefits) -, then he is sexually unfaithful in the marriage. At first, he hides the romantic adventures. Later, they become more obvious and usually turn the marriage into a disaster.