Erotic movies: Lady Chatterley’s Lover

25.04.2009 | By: Antonio B

The latest movie version of the famous novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover is a pretty boring and longwinded affair.

The scene where the two protagonists make love in the mud is the only really good part of the movie.

Summer with Monika

The great Ingmar Bergman made the movie Summer with Monika in 1953 (originally Sommaren med Monika). It was a simple and very natural love story where a calm young man Harry Lund gets the hots for a feisty teenager portrayed by Harriet Andersson, as you know. The film is full of very realistic and spontaneous scenes. In order for the viewers not to be bored, they shortened the movie to 62 minutes in America. That was enough. But in Lady Chatterley much too much happens. It last for two hours and a half, but it could easily be only half an hour long. It would be the same. The viewers would get the point in half an hour. Everything that couldn’t be put into that half hour is filler in this movie.

Naked in the mud

In fact, the whole movie is full of filler, with the exception of a lovely and relaxing sequence where the protagonists are running naked in the rain and then make love in the mud. Everything else is rubbish. Well, not rubbish, but it’s longwinded, boring, not interesting and slow. That’s right, if you would put this movie in a race with a snail, it would come second. It all happens so slowly. Even the butterflies are flying as if they were stoned. Even slow motion is faster than this movie. You’re right, the sex is also slow and sleepy. We just wait for the protagonists to fall asleep. This isn’t sex, it’s a picture postcard sent from the hills.

The forester awakes repressed passion and a desire for unbridled sex in the main heroine.

Last Tango in Paris

And beware, the man isn’t even attractive. He’s just a shadow of Marlon Brando from Last Tango in Paris, even though he looks like Marlon Brando in Last Tango in Paris the whole time. If you’re looking for butter, you’re looking in the wrong place. Lady Chatterley is such a slow movie that the butter would go off during sex and would curdle. Like I said, the man, a forester named Parkin, is nothing special. He’s just there. Always and every day. The girl is a lady and is reserved. Her name is Constance. She needs some adrenaline, which her crippled husband can’t provide, so she uses Parkin. First he comes, then she comes. Their lovemaking is for primary school pupils. They’ve never heard of veneris or the Kama Sutra. They make love as if they don’t know what they’re doing.

Boring sex

Of course, they can’t get the viewers involved in the action. The viewers are yawning, biting their fingernails and thinking where the fast forward button is when they’re doing it. It’s very esoteric and it’s pure poetry. This is what kills the sex with real couples. The girl actually cheats because of adrenaline, but her lover is even sleepier than her crippled husband. Because they’re trying to be spontaneous everywhere, they look like actors already at the beginning. They’re two wanna-be actors who are embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the camera. When they finally do it, they naturally look like Lars Von Trier’s The Idiots. It’s no wonder that the movie is like that as well. This latest screen version causes a stir only among nuns. In other words, this is a movie that will excite only pensioners and even then only the ones who can’t see anything and have forgotten their glasses.

The latest Lady Chatterley is basically a very longwinded and boring movie.

Other screen versions

This very beloved and, at one time, very controversial novel, written by D. H. Lawrence at the beginning of the 20th century, has been made into a movie at least ten times. A very famous and the hottest version is from 1981, directed by Just Jaeckin who also directed the cult movie Emmanuelle, where the main character was played by the also unforgettable Sylvia Kristel. A version from 1977, entitled Young Lady Chatterley is also very interesting. The story is based around the niece of Lady Chatterley, who finds her journals and starts enjoying the same kind of carnal pleasure. They also made a very hot sequel in 1985, where the heroine again makes passionate love with her gardener. The Japanese version from 1979 is also worth mentioning as is, of course, the French original from the mid 50s, where the main role was played by the delightful Danielle Darrieux.