5 Tips on Saving a Marriage without Sex

23.06.2011 | By: Izabela M

The lack of sex in a marriage can be a grueling thing. Therefore, we would like to provide you with 5 tips on how to save a marriage without sex.

A marriage without sex lacks a vital and indispensable ingredient.

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Unfortunately, couples all too often don’t even know how, when or why sex actually disappeared from their marriage. Some of them address the situation by turning to marriage counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and even sexual therapists and that’s a smart decision. If partners involved in a marriage without sex address the problem, they could be rewarded with the pleasures of an active sex life sooner than they expected. Many different studies on this particular subject show that couples, who are involved in a marriage without sex tend to be depressed more often than those who have sex on a regular basis. If you don’t want to become one of the miserable ones, then you should follow the advice of Icelandic-American sexual therapist Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, who sees the solution to a marriage without sex in the following:

Be Introspective

First of all, it’s crucial to conquer the problem of a marriage without sex by proceeding introspectively. This basically means than you should start with asking yourself a couple of very important questions, such as: What does a marriage without sex point to? Does a marriage without sex mean that the partners aren’t suitable for one another? Does a marriage without sex indicate that you want the marriage to end? Is the lack of sex just the tip of the iceberg and the problem lies much deeper?

Talk about Your Sex Life

Such talks between partners are often difficult to start, but it’s vital to talk about sex since the fact that married couples communicate and discuss their sex life with each other openly enables them to maintain a healthy relationship. During such a conversation, you should point out the state of your sex life, but avoid putting the blame on your partner and guilt-trip them. What you should do instead is to point out the fact that you are both engaged in a marriage without sex, without issuing any ultimatums or threats to boot. Let your partner know that what you want is to save and improve your marriage.

Focus Solely on Your Own Relationship

Don’t let other people’s views influence you. You really shouldn’t bother about what people around you think but rather focus on yourselves and your own relationship. Don't burden yourselves with what others perceive as a normal or regular amount of sexual activities that a couple should engage in.

Reserve Some Time just for the Two of You!

Take a break from your work and send your kids on vacation. Spend time only with each other and let sex become a positive issue once again, but be careful not to rush things. When you finally find the time for just the two of you again, start by re-establishing the connection with each other outside the bedroom first.

Seek Professional Help to Be Able to Communicate Again

Collaborating with a therapist or a marriage counselor can reset the foundations for proper communication once again. Professional help could help you to achieve your goals, to discover the reasons for the lack of sex and motivation, and to face the past and present issues that may be the reason for your situation. When working with a therapist or a marriage counselor exclusively on the issue of sex, he or she can help you to overcome your inhibitions, a possible sex trauma or fears that have lead you to end up in a marriage without sex.

How Can a once Happy Marriage Turn into a Marriage without Sex?

A marriage without sex can be the result of many different factors. The most frequent reasons that could lead to a marriage without sex are:

- The couple had sex infrequently since the very beginning of their relationship,
- A certain event, such as childbirth or one of the partners having had an affair,
- The partners become bored with each other or begin to regard their sex life as dull,
- The partners become consumed with worries or obligations,
- One of the partners or even both of them experience a loss of sex drive from various different reasons,
- The partners begin to take each other for granted and cease to focus on sexual intimacy,
- The couple regard sex as a means of procreation exclusively,
- One of the partners experiences a lack of sexual self-confidence or may feel uneasy because of their bodily features,
- A partner, who would actually want to have sex, isn't capable of initiating it because he or she may fear being turned down,
- One of the partners regards sex exclusively as a means to achieve or acquire something and practices it for the sole purpose of their needs to be fulfilled,
- The partners are actually living in an unhappy marriage without sex but opt to stay together for the sake of their child or children.

If you’re living in a marriage without sex but would like it work again, try to explore the reasons that had led to your problem and engage in solving it together. It’s possible that lack of sex is only the tip of the iceberg and your entire relationship is a bit shaky. Should this be the case, then the problem won’t be easy to solve and you shouldn’t expect a change for the better overnight. But there still is a good chance that you could patch it up if you only hang in there and proceed with patience.