Advice for Living with Your Mother-In-Law

22.03.2012 | By: Sara B.

Sometimes even a visit from the mother-in-law can be tiresome, but living with the mother-in-law demands a lot of compromises.

Living with your mother-in-law can be a big challenge or a pleasant experience. (PhotoXpress)

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1. Rule for living with your mother-in-law

Mother-in-law is a part of the family and she needs to be treated as such. Even if she moved in later than you, you should not make her feel unwanted and treat her as a maid, who will clean instead of you while you're at work. Don't exploit her free time, even if she's retired, because she might resent it.

Living with your mother-in-law will be easier if you treat her as someone you want to have in your life. That doesn't necessarily mean that you two have to become best friends, but you should always remain polite when you meet her and have a little chat, try to help each other, etc. Your efforts will surely pay off and your mother-in-law will be glad to help you more often and make your family life easier.

2. Living with your mother-in-law is more pleasant when the rules are clearly set

Don't let the anger towards your mother-in-law grow with every day that passes, but let her know which of her suggestions you don't agree with. Tell her that you appreciate her advice, for example about cooking, house-keeping and everything else she wants to stick her nose in, but that you prefer to decide about things together with your spouse.

Don't reject your mother-in-law from the very beginning, but tell her that you like to be your own boss and leave her under the impression that she is still much needed as a confidant and occasional adviser, but not as someone who watches your every step. If she is too nosy, try to warn her in a nice manner at first and if the situation doesn't improve, your partner should talk to her.

You should also specifically set the rules about the parts of the house your mother-in-law has access to. Tell her that she can also decide if she wants to have special places just to herself, so she can enjoy her peace. The best strategy is that even if you use these techniques to make your life with her easier, you should make her feel like these things will also improve her life.

3. Living with your mother-in-law will be easier if you try to understand her

You can win your mother-in-law's heart if you follow her advice at least on certain occasions, listen to her and make an impression that you're trying to make the relationship work. Take a few moments during the week to talk to her, have a coffee or lunch together and try to establish a bond. Try to understand her way of thinking and her feelings. She probably still perceives your partner as a kid that needs advice from her.

Think about the possible reasons that led you to living together with your mother-in-law. Maybe you're the one who moved in? If so, you're the guest and you should be grateful to her for taking you in. The situation requires her to adapt too and it also means a little less freedom for her compared to when she was alone in the house.

If she is the one who moved in, then there's definitely a good reason for it. The same goes for mother-in-laws who are already widowed. Imagine how you would feel if you lost your life companion. Therefore, living with your mother-in-law is a test for both generations.