Are You Being Emotionally Abused?

Abuse in a relationship doesn't necessarily consist only of slaps in the face. It can take place on a much subtler level. Read on to learn how to recognize a more elusive, emotional abuse.

Both men and women can be victims of emotional abuse in a relationship. (jlp)

It is relatively easy to recognize physical abuse, as it often shows on the victim's body, for example in the form of broken ribs or a black eye. That's why it is not difficult to prove it in the court, at least if the victim's in the possession of appropriate documentation (GP's notes on your injuries, a confirmation that you've visited the hospital, photographs and similar). What about psychological or emotional abuse, which is just as common, if not even more common? If a man constantly threatens his partner that he will leave her if she doesn't prepare dinner every day at the same time, does this count as abuse? What about if a woman often humiliates her partner in the company of their acquaintances by talking about his erection problems? Is it abuse if we constantly deride our partner's choice of their profession? We could go on. Let's find out what is emotional abuse, how to notice it and what can you do if you're a victim of it.

What is emotional abuse?

Unfortunately, there's no single, clear-cut definition of emotional abuse. When explaining the meaning of the word »abuse«, it's the physical aspects that are usually accentuated. At the same time, it's also difficult to recognize emotional abuse because it is usually based on the use of words. A particular word can take on completely different meanings depending on the context of its use and on the way it is uttered. A man can tell his partner that she gained weight and can thus express his sincere care for her well-being and he may really want to help her remain fit and healthy, but he can also say this with the sole intention of putting her down, wishing to hurt her and lower her self-esteem. In general, we can understand emotional abuse as behavior or deeds the purpose of which is to take a person down a peg and to make them lose their self-respect or control them. Some people believe that abuse means actions or behavior that go on for some time, while others think that a single, unique occurrence can also be seen as a case of abuse. What we have to lay stress upon is that emotional abuse isn't the consequence of the victimizer's anger and also that the victim isn't the one responsible for bringing about such behavior.

Emotional abuse is much more difficult to identify than physical violence. (jlp)

When is a quarrel only a quarrel and when does it turn into emotional abuse?

Of course, there are quarrels and disagreements in any relationsip, and they don't mean emotional abuse. In a healthy partnership, we learn not to use the weaknesses of our partner against them in our next quarrel. If our partner tells us that he or she has problems with concentration and thus doesn't do as much work as they should at their workplace, we shouldn't misuse this piece of information in our next quarrel - for example, we shouldn't reproach them with being lazy or incompetent. Only an emotionally abusive person would do this. Emotional abuse can include many different actions, such as fairly obvious calling names and swearing, as well as vicious comments about a person's physical appearance, intelligence, or weight. We can also talk about emotional abuse when one of the partners openly cheats on the other and flirts with other people before their partner's eyes, or when he or she completely ignores their partner in the company of his or her friends, acting as though they weren't there, or when she or he doesn't want to be intimate with them with the purpose of blackmail or punishment.

Where can we draw the line between arguing and emotional abuse? (jlp)

How to recognize emotional abuse?

The most important thing when it comes to emotional abuse is to trust your feelings. If the actions or words of your partner don't make you feel good but actually make you feel pretty bad, that is if they hurt your feelings, there's no doubt that this is abuse. In a healthy relationship, a partner who insulted the other person will offer a sincere apology. On the other hand, an abusive person may offer an apology, perhaps even bring you flowers and a present, but will not truly mean it. He or she may say how sorry they are for hurting you, but will also mention that you should be more careful the next time. It may even happen that the one who apologizes in the end is the victim of abuse, not the victimizer. In case you're facing emotional abuse in your relationship, you will have to make some thorough changes. You should either leave your partner and break the relationship or find professional help and individual consultation for both yourself and your partner. Don't hesitate and take action.

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