Can Men and Women Be Only Friends?

9.06.2011 | By: T. P.

Do you believe that men and women can be only friends without involving sexuality? What is the man’s attitude to the woman and vice versa?

There is a thin line between friendship and something more. (PhotoXpress)

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Certain modern psychologists try to convince us that men and women can be only friends without having any thoughts of erotic relationship. Some of their colleagues categorically deny that. Who is right?

Erotica is always in the background

My personal experience is that the two sexes cannot be only friends - as I cannot form a friendship with a woman to whom I am not at least a bit sexually attracted. This is more about an option than a strong desire. If I cannot imagine her in bed with me, I am not interested in her regardless of how nice, smart and kind she is.

For this reason, I was glad to receive a statement of an experienced psychiatrist who confirmed my experience and who believes that a man has to establish a genuine erotic relationship with a woman and that this relationship forms the basis for contact among humans. The man first represents a male to the woman, then a guardian, and then a friend. The assumption of psychiatrists who share the same opinion is that even if the process is reversed, i.e. from a friendship to a romantic relationship, its order is correct in the human unconsciousness from the beginning, i.e. from a lover to a friend. If you form a friendship with someone, sexual drive is always present at some level in the background. The next question is why a man would form a friendship with a woman in the first place. So that they would be only friends?

Woman as the perfect counterpart

If you agree with stereotypes, then you have to admit that a man has a good partner for conversation in a woman as regards emotions, feelings and all the "women’s things". He can talk to her about everything that is kept secret in conversation with men, about his emotions and not only which car is better and what is going on in politics, the economy and sport. According to stereotypes, a man is “a woman” with a woman. This cult of a man and a woman is merging with unpredictable consequences in modern society. Nowadays it is nothing unusual to have a female friend to whom you can talk for hours about business, computer games, cars and martial arts. But are you any less keen on getting her in bed?

Personally, I think that there is no sense in having a “male” female friend in addition to other male friends. I accept the fact that women do what I do and are my equals, if they aren't even better. But I still desperately want to get them in bed, and I have a hard time talking to a woman about Formula 1 if I am thinking of how to manoeuvre between her legs. When she smiles and tells me about the hook kick with which she beat the greatest fool, her flexibility already draws positions in my mind. Yes, you are right, in the back of my mind I would love to be more than only friends.

Do men really need to talk about their emotions?

Talking about my emotions? I don't befriend a woman for that either. As I assumed the male principle, I don't deal with emotions. If I do, I do that to impress women and seduce them. I definitely don't need a female friend because men wouldn't understand me. The assumption that men do not discuss emotions is completely false. Maybe they don't discuss them ten hours a day but only when it is really necessary and with a person who will understand them: you need your best friend, some intoxicating substances and you get everything off your chest, if you feel the need to.

Someone once said that men concealed their emotions because they did not talk about them. Men felt deprived and started searching their souls to find this unknown world. As most men did not find anything, they started pretending, for the sake of peace, that they are deeply emotional but they just don't know how to show it. In this way they gained a lot in women’s hearts. Now a bond has been formed between women and men, and men can be women's friends without having sex with them. Now men and women bond on the basis of “deep” emotions. Isn't sex a sufficiently powerful force and a reason for spending quality time together? The negative consequence of such a situation affects mostly women, as they are the ones who can really establish strong emotional attachment to men, which means that it is much harder for them to break them off.

If you ask me, sex is always in the background

Of course, the reverse process has the same intensity. Women were once convinced that the male principle is better and that they have to assume it in order to be “equal”. Women are turning into men, but they understand this process in their own way. The whole situation is confusing, making it increasingly more difficult to find one’s balance.

And here psychology comes into play. It has never been as respected and needed as now. It treats everything, even if there is nothing and nobody to treat, and people always have to find their own specific way of treatment.

I am confused as well. Is it still allowed for me to be a man and see a female in a woman? Do I have to feel ashamed if I cannot pretend to have deep emotions and if I only think of sex? Am I weird if I first see the body and then the souls of a person? Am I wrong to believe that men and women cannot be only friends?