Cutting Your Partner Some Slack – When and Why?

15.12.2011 | By: M. C.

How can you harmonize your partner's and your own needs and wishes? Try to assess realistically what your partner considers really important.

What's important to your partner should be important to you as well! (PhotoXpress)

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Of course you don't have to cut him/her some slack in every vice, or constantly think about pleasing your partner. Instead, try to understand, accept and take into account what s/he really finds important.

Men, for example, can't understand what days like February 14 (does it ring a bell?) are really for, and women can't understand why a basketball match is more important then their sweet-scented selves in lacy underwear. We might never understand these things but we can accept them as they are. Drawing analogies with your own needs is sometimes a good strategy to remind him about yourself when he is rolling on the couch the whole evening with a can of beer in his hand: »Honey, this is the same thing as my manicure treatment and a fashion magazine to go with it.«

When she needs a talk, he needs some peace

A scenario from the previous century: man comes home from work at 5 pm, his wife is waiting for him with her hair perfectly done and a warm meal to eat. He collapses on the couch and starts reading the newspaper while she wants to tell him all about her day and their neighbour's problems. She was home alone all day and got bored because there was no one to talk to, he was at work, busy and stressed. Nowadays, the situation is different; man and women all work but women usually have to do a great deal of housework when they come home. But let's leave this aside for now.

The one coming home from work usually needs a moment of peace and silence so that he or she can »switch back« to a homely, cosy atmosphere. If you start to babble and ask questions as soon as your partner arrives home, s/he will probably vent the stress and anger s/he brought from work on you – because there was no time to let it evaporate. You probably consider yourself a real oasis of relaxation and peace and this may be difficult to understand, but it looks like this is the way we function. We need a short adjustment period, some time just for ourselves, usually accompanied by a small ritual such as reading a newspaper or drinking coffee.

Coffee versus beer

He hates your afternoon coffee rituals, you can't understand his evening beer. The solution is simple because the analogy between the two drinks is more than obvious: coffee and beer both come with silly jokes, gossiping and making comments about passers-by of the opposite sex.

The problems occur when one of the partners enjoys reading or playing cards while the other prefers to go for a walk in the park or play golf. Lack of money, a feeling that your partner spends too much money, a deep disagreement about the ideology behind free time activities of your partner are all serious problems that have to be dealt with. Looking for analogies is again a good solution: explain to each other what your hobbies mean to you and try to find at least one that both of you enjoy (sex does not count!)

Water the flowers!

Don't ask questions, just do it! You can't just let his bonsai dry out when he's on a business trip. And fish need fresh water when your darling pays a longer visit to her mum. There are some things that you consider unimportant or even stupid, but when in a relationship, things that belong to your partner become a part of your life. Your life gets »larger« and so should your understanding of everything around. When you catch sight of an orchid on your window, remember it's thirsty. Well, remembering is not enough – water it! And may the flower of your love bloom for ever!