Emotional Affairs

21.07.2011 | By: T. P.

Is an emotional affair cheating? Here are some thoughts on emotional infidelity.

The line between cheating and fidelity is a matter of compromise. (PhotoXpress)

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A broad range of activities can be included in the definition of the emotional affair, if we count thoughts as actions. It is harder to define cheating itself. For some it always depends on the circumstances, for others it is a black and white issue. For these the whole thing is very clear, did you put it in or not, did you kiss her or not. If the affair is physical, we can easily prove someone is guilty, even if they have tripped and fallen directly into someone’s lap. A person who sees things black and white is not interested in your motives, whether you really wanted it, whether you were sad or drunk or anything. Cheating is unacceptable, you are to blame for your condition and you should face the consequences of your actions.

Others say it all depends on the circumstances. Cheating does not count if you are abroad. If you were drunk and it only happened once, if it did not mean anything, if it was only about sex. This is an important thought right here. Cheating is not cheating if it was only about shagging. So intercourse is not the essential component of an affair. With people who associate moral decisions with a set of circumstances, we now get near the term emotional affair. We have already reached a grey area. What is the thing that a partner should not do, what actually makes one unfaithful without involving sexual intercourse?

A lie is the essence of deceit

One of the possible answers is to lie. Every relationship is based on certain hidden assumptions and ideas of love. Because you have decided to enter a relationship with someone, it is rightly assumed that you will forsake all other potential partners. If you show an interest in other partners, you will have broken that rule. You no longer accept the underlying assumption of the relationship. If both partners agree to this, there are two options. They either redefine the status of their relationship and rule out exclusive rights to each other or they split up. There are also cases, where a partner lies already at the beginning of the relationship, because he does not realise the possible pitfalls and does not see the meaning of the relationship, because he is inexperienced, stupid or two-faced. That is why it is good to know how your partner sees the relationship and what it involves for him. Because a lie is the ultimate deceit, it is the essence of an affair!

Sophistic exits

”Darling, you know I love you, but there are billions of people in the world. We can not expect to be an ideal match. So it is obvious that if either of us finds a soul mate, we should go our separate ways.”

”Go f…. yourself, dear!”

A woman would not normally answer in such a way, instead the conversation continues in a liberal tone. Women love being liberal and men are proud of their female partners who are finally thinking like guys. But every smart woman should tell her undoubtedly extremely intelligent partner to go f… himself and vice versa. This is an example of a unique form of emotional cheating. The above statement can only be uttered by someone who does not have the courage or power. You can not plan your life based on the assumption that chance will never interfere (or if you choose to believe in such things – fate or god, etc.). You can only make plans in life based on the decision that you will live with someone no matter what. Although chance may bring your ideal mate into your life, you will have to turn them down if you are the man/the woman of your word. Marriage, the institution of marriage itself used to be the thing that bound two people together. Because people do not get married as much anymore, we see most relationships based on the decision to stay with someone for the rest of one’s life. But this decision can not include the premise of chance. A person who will handle it has to stand behind this decision and she or he will be able to deal with it if they make an effort.