How Long Are We In Love?

Can you tell the difference between being in love and real love? What can you do to make the true thing last?

 

 

Are you in love with projections of ideal? (PhotoXpress)

 

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Being in love is a state of hormonal imbalance

The state of being in love is a state of hormonal imbalance. The fact is that the brain of a person in love is remarkably similar to the brain of a mental patient. When a person is in love, the brain releases a set of hormones- testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin. These chemicals cause indescribable feelings of pleasure as well as other love symptoms such as loss of appetite and insomnia. This state of chemical imbalance, the state of being in love, can last from one year and a half to three years.

Being in love- a relationship with yourself 

From the psychological point of view, being in love is actually a relationship with yourself rather than with the “object” of infatuation- it is a projection of an ideal onto a real life person, a relationship with our fantasies. On the other hand, an emotional attachment is a real relationship with a person, who we love and accept, with all their positive and negative traits.

Being in love is the first feeling in the specter of love that a child experiences. We choose our partners on the basis of our attachments to certain people from our childhood. In most cases, people fall in love with a person who is similar to one of the parents, especially the one who they have had most problems with. In a relationship with our partner, we subconsciously want to resolve the traumas from our parent-child relationship, but it often happens that we only repeat the mistakes. So, the next time you want to say ”You’re just like my mother” hold your tongue and think about why there are still unresolved issues in that relationship. This is, of course, difficult and many find it easier to leave their partners or become unfaithful than to resolve the situation.

Love is a decision

Only when the ecstatic feelings of being in love come to an end, the ideal conditions for real love are set. You want to be with someone and you know him or her just as they are. Of course this relationship is very different from the state of being in love. It’s a conscious decision to stay with someone who you don’t necessarily need for your survival. In a mature relationship, love overcomes the need for a partner. Such love becomes a deliberate act and not a short-lived feeling of ecstasy.

 

Read more about sex and sexuality in our Lover's Guide.

 

 

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