How to Survive a Break-Up?

17.03.2011 | By: Z. J.

No matter whose initiative it is, breaking up is always painful for both. Here are some tips how to get over her or him with less stress and better effect.

How to survive a break up? (PhotoXpress)

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Be prepared to suffer ...

You can't avoid pain. It may be only slight or short-term, it may creep up on you after a few days, weeks, or even months. It may be agonizing, like an enormous atomic cloud that hangs above the whole world. When it strikes, don’t try to ignore it, conceal it or suppress it. Ignoring the pain does not pay off, because it will only grow stronger and break out when it’s least appropriate. Masking it into other emotions (even when they're positive) is dangerous as well: you can easily offend or hurt somebody else's feelings. Anger can be constructive, however, sooner or later you’ll end up in tears. But believe us, you'll feel much better after you've had a good cry.

The worst way out (or: the way that leads nowhere) is drowning your pain in alcohol. It does not relieve the emotional pain connected with a but rather causes headache, weakness and nausea or even makes you do something stupid that you might regret later on (like having sex with a stranger you don't really fancy or sending an angry, begging or humiliating sms to your ex). Prepare for the treatment of your »broken heart« by buying the softest hankies, relaxing and cooling face mask, a pillow for boxing and another one for hugging, and load yourself with piles of crisps, chocolate, ice-cream, sauerkraut, or whatever improves your level of serotonin. The good news is that the pain will pass. In fairytales, people do die from sadness whereas in real life this is not very likely to happen. If you are 100% convinced that s/he was your prince/ss, you can sit down and wait until your heart explodes with grief as it happens in fairytales, but we believe that the chances of this happening to you are as slim as the chances of him/her being your one and only!

How long does it take to get over it?

There is no simple answer to this question, but we can offer some approximate alternatives: a) if s/he used to be your real soulmate – 6 months, b) if s/he wasn't exactly your soulmate – 3 months, c) for shorter relationships the ratio is 4:1 – you will need a month to get over a relationship that lasted 4 months, for example, d) for long-lasting relationships – one year. Note that this short test has been composed on the basis of different theories, and that the period you need to get over him/her differs from case to case. But in any case, your tears will dry out and sooner or later you will feel as good as you did before the (or even better!) and you will have enough energy to have a shower, tidy up your apartment, arrange a truck to cart all the used up hankies – and get on with your life.

(Ab)use your friends

We don't advise you to abuse the people around you sexually or financially, but to use their sofas, their shoulders, their phones (and be prepared to return them the favor if something similar happens to them). Your friends will listen to you, tie up your hands whenever you'll try to call your ex and remind you of the fact that there's plenty more fish in the sea. Tell them everything that you've kept hidden in your heart since the break up. Tell, not your ex-partner, for you certainly don't want to be humiliated. If your friends fail to listen, try writing your thoughts down on a piece of paper – but make sure you put it somewhere safe, or even better, throw it away after you've finished.