How to Tell Him You Expected More?

28.07.2011 | By: A. B.

When you want to criticize your partner's performance in bed, you have to address the problem of bad sexual intercourse as diplomatically as possible.

If you aren't happy with your sex life, talk to your partner, but be diplomatic. (PhotoXpress)

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Avoid direct accusations

If one of the partners isn’t satisfied with sex, he or she shouldn’t keep this locked up, but one has to choose the right moment and use the words that won’t hurt or anger the partner. The biggest mistake people make when it comes to this problem is discussing it the minute they see it, immediately after a not that successful sexual encounter. For example, a man comes too soon and the woman bluntly accuses him of being a lousy lover and an egotist. Instead of trying to understand him, she's hurt and lashes out, but nothing good can come of this.

Don’t compare him to your ex

If you were used to different and livelier sexual activity with your ex partner and are missing it now, don’t tell this to your current boyfriend or girlfriend. This would cause a lot of resentment. You can bring your previous habits into your new relationship in a more cunning way, by expressing your wishes where you don't have to show that you did this before. You just have to say that this really feels good to you and that thinking of this turns you on. Talking about ex partners can be an extremely sensitive topic, so don’t use it to make your sexual desires come true.

Can you lie?

A really problematic situation arises when the intercourse wasn’t good at all, but your partner thinks it was. Don’t worry, this can be solved in an elegant way. If a woman didn’t reach an orgasm, a man must realize he didn't do such a good job. What if she had an orgasm, but the intercourse still wasn’t all she expected it to be? What if the man’s “mistakes” keep repeating so that she has to address the issue eventually? Unless she does this in a really nice way, she'll insult his male pride and won’t accomplish anything.

You have to find the right moment, a moment that has nothing to do with sexual intercourse itself and a moment when you’re both in a good mood. The conversation can be very honest, but it should still be gentle and even fun. In short, talk about your sexual intercourse when you’re not about to have it and when you haven't just had it.