Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with Your Ex?

Many partners promise each other to remain friends after they break up. But is it even possible to be friends with your ex? Is it a good idea?

 

 

The generally accepted view is that partners can't remain friends once their love relationship is over. (PhotoXpress)

 

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Can you remain friends?

Although both partners mutually agreeing on ending their relationship would make the break up considerably easier, this seldom happens. Usually the break up is suggested by one of the partners and the unwritten rule says that he or she isn't the one to decide on the nature of their further relationship. He or she can express their wish to stay friends, but it's on the other one to decide whether he or she will accept the offer or whether their anger and sadness are too overwhelming. It's never easy to break up, as the couple share memories of being happy together, which makes their bad moments fade away.

Friendship can be seen as a peace treaty that makes the end of the relationship feels better, because it lets the jilted partner know that the loved person will still remain in their life and that he or she can take time to let go and separate. Even though he or she may like the fact that they from time to time meet their ex on a drink, it's a fact that looking at the person who was once a world to you can bring up feelings of sadness. This is why such friendship doesn't last long and why it can end on even more bitter terms than the love relationship itself.

Reasons why you shouldn't or why you cannot stay friends with your ex 

Even when ex partners sincerely want to remain true friends, only few people can turn this wish into reality. It feels strange to tell your ex that you've had an interesting date or that you're taking a trip to the seaside with someone else. You can also hardly talk about your sexual experiences with new people in your life. You may try to avoid such topics, but sooner or later they will come up, and also one of you will eventually get a new partner and enter a serious relationship. Even though you may try to give an impression that everything's all right, you can never really know what your ex feels when hearing news or having conversations like these.

Jealousy can occur

Unpleasant feelings that accompany the break up continue into friendship. Such feelings often include jealousy when you see new people enter the life of your ex. Under such conditions it is extremely difficult to be sincerely happy for your ex because they have a happy love life. Feelings of love may recede in time, but it's still painful to see your ex in the embrace of another person. Why should you be friends with your ex, if this will only mean more sadness?

Competitiveness

Beside jealousy, there can arise competitiveness between you as regards the question of who of you will find himself a new partner first. This is an especially great challenge for the person who had been jilted, as he or she may want to give an impression that they are alright and that they are quickly moving on in a new relationship.

Passion can secretly still glow

The friendship of two ex lovers can also be affected by physical passion which is still there. This can lead either to pain and awkwardness or into casual sex, which also leads to pain in the long run - one of you probably feels more for the other than he or she is willing to admit and sex can awake old love with only one of you. Little things like the smell of a particular type or perfume or hearing a song that you remember as "yours" can quickly make you enter this dangerous zone. It's best to avoid it altogether.

The question of a new partner

It often happens that friendship of two ex partners ends once one of them falls deeply in love with someone else. This can happen spontaneously, as a reflection of respect for the new partner, or it can be a direct wish of a new partner.

There may be reasons why it may be good to be friends with your ex, but there are still more reasons why such a friendship usually doesn't last long.

 

Read more about sex and sexuality in our Lover's Guide.

 

 

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