Is There Any Point in Analysing a Failed Relationship?

17.02.2011 | By: Alex F.

A failed relationship brings pain, anger and sadness with it. Is there any sense at all in analysing the particular reasons for the break-up?

A failed relationship makes people feel an anxiety that’s hard to define and which doesn’t go away easily. (PhotoXpress)

Failed relationship or the end of the world on a smaller scale

A failed relationship is the end of the world on a smaller scale, at least on a personal level. "What", "when" and "why" are the questions that enter people’s thought processes, shatter the meaning of their life into pieces and release the channels where tears are shed. Instead of butterflies in the stomach, we feel a hard cube of anxiety in our chest.

But because the world revolves and because it’s healthy to breathe with our lungs full, it’s necessary to make a detailed analysis of what has happened. Thus, there is a point in analysing the painful experience - it's the only way to evaluate the past from a safe distance that enables us to see the wonderful times we went through with someone as historical facts. Total empathy with the past is no longer possible. We either cool off and let go or see everything as a finished but necessary chapter in our life.

What is it that's hidden in the phrase ”this isn’t it” and in analysing it? We offer a few simple and a few complex reasons for why you become a burden to somebody, or why you go from being a hero to being a fool.

1. The passion which was the reason your relationship started has faded and there’s no psychological connection between the man and the woman. It’s a dead end. The euphoria is gone and at least one person sees no point in continuing the emotional emptiness that has formed.

2. Material situation: because people are self-interested, this can’t be a factor we can neglect. Where you live, what your attitude to property is and what kind of a consumer you are – all of this and more defines your lifestyle. The other person compares it to his/hers, he/she looks for similarities, common interests and differences. He/she also speculates about your future and predicts if the differences/similarities can be functional.

3.   The opinion of others: this isn’t really about you actually being interested in what others think about your partner, but about what you think they think! The things that belong here are social status and the social power connected to it and the amount of renown and respect they have from the people around them.

4.   Thinking about their family: it sounds unusual, but your beloved's family are the people you should enjoy being with. In the opposite case, you should avoid them and if the roots of the tree are rotten, this is definitely not encouraging for the future of the relationship.

5.   Way of thinking or world views: the key question here is: is it really necessary for two people to think alike to be as one? Or is it the differences that build a bridge between two worlds, where the mutual exchange of information helps us discover unknown areas of life?

6. Nationality: If we suppose that each person is a world of his/her own, then a different nationality makes the world even more different. It may happen that personal characteristics can be equated with nationality, which isn’t really clever.

7. Inferiority and superiority: women have (or at least they hope they do) the capability to make men act like they want them to. So – the woman becomes the dominant one in the relationship and the man fights for her affection. The man is placed under the authority of the woman by his own choice, but, at the same time, women want to feel safe. If they get the feeling that he’s no longer a “real man”, he loses some of her respect.

8. The number of sexual partners: it’s known that every one of us should exchange a certain quantity of sexual partners in order to settle down eventually. This means that you may be happy with your partner but the body has more to say or the wish to experiment with others is still strongly present within you.
From what we’ve written, it’s clear that the line ”this isn’t it” is only used to hide the real reasons why one person is removed from a partnership. The question why it’s hard to say something you’ve already shown with actions remains unanswered. There's a point in analysing what has happened because it will make it easier for you to go on.

”This isn’t it” seems like a filler with which we repress all the things that should be said. Sweeping things under the carpet remains a virtue, it seems, while facing the other person is obviously becoming a characteristic of the brave, honest and fiery people.