Moving in Together – Yes or No?

22.12.2011 | By: Kathy M.

Moving in together is a very important step forward in your relationship. Read the article to find out how to avoid possible misunderstandings and arguments.

Moving in together means taking a step forward in your relationship. (PhotoXpress)

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Moving in together with your partner is an important step forward in your relationship: it means your relationship is getting more serious and you can clearly see and plan your future together. Women are usually ready to do it way before men even think about it – they feel somehow frustrated when they are faced with moving out of their cozy bachelor pad into an almost-family-home. If this sounds familiar and if your girlfriend keeps hinting at moving in together with you in the near future, then read the rest of this article to find out what are the crucial issues you two have to discuss before doing it and how to avoid the stressful aspects of living together.

How do you know she's ready to move in together?

If you are lucky enough, you won't have to look for hints and signals - your partner will tell you explicitly that she wants to move in together with you and take a step forward in your relationship. If she isn't that straight-forward with you, you have to pay attention to some signs and signals. If periods of her staying over at your place prolong, it means that she feels wonderful in your relationship (which is good) and that she loves having you around (which is good as well) and wants to spend with you as much time as possible. If your bathroom is filled with her stuff such as perfumes, body milks, tampons and make up or if she occupied your chest of drawers and brought with her a pile of underwear and pajamas – she may want to test you: she wants to see how you respond to this level of intimacy: are you panic-stricken or do you find it quite normal and pleasant?

Find some real reasons for moving in together

Once you've managed to get the hint, it's high time you started thinking about the issue yourself. Remember that some reasons for moving in together count as »valid« and some just don't. Regular sexual activity or a need to have someone to cook and do the laundry for you as possible reasons for moving in together don't make sense. You'd better think about your common interests and views on important things in your life, about how well you really get on with each other. An important aspect is also your own desire to live with your girlfriend: if you say yes just to avoid quarreling or even insulting her, you will soon regret your decision. Even worse: you will both suffer if one of you doesn't want to take this step.

Don't forget to talk openly and honestly

Before you make the decision, it's inevitable that you (re)discuss some issues openly and honestly. There are some things about moving in together that have nothing to do with love: Who is going to pay for the expenses? Will you divide the sum in half? Who will buy food? Who will be responsible for household chores? Will you have to buy some furniture and who is going to pay for it? If you break up, who will take the furniture with them? These things may seem trivial and petty in the excitement of the moment, but discussing such questions can prevent many future arguments about an empty fridge or dirty dishes. It also helps you to see if you are prepared to move in together: if you argue when only discussing things, imagine what this would look and feel like in reality. Are you prepared to take the risk?

How to avoid boredom?

Moving in together is not all about having a good time together from dusk till dawn, it brings along some potential dangers as well. You may become listless, bored, unwilling to do things together (apart from watching TV). This may lead to a break up, so try to avoid taking things for granted. Small surprises are sometimes enough: breakfast in bed or candle light at dinner, a pleasantly smelling bubble bath or a bunch of flowers you picked up in the park on your way home - these are enough to let her know you still care about her. It's also important that you let each other breathe: don't give up your hobbies and don't neglect your friends. Encourage her to meet her girlfriends and go out with them while you spend some time with the guys. Don't become inseparable only because you live together and bear in mind that you may become really fed up with each other if you spend all of your free time together!