Should You Talk About Your Ex With Your Partner?

30.06.2011 | By: T. B.

How useful can be talking about your ex partners with your current one? When does mentioning your ex become potentially harmful?

You shouldn't talk about your ex more than absolutely necessary. (PhotoXpress)

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Every person has a past. Past experiences have built us and made us who we are. We’re carrying our memories with us, even if we don’t mention them. Ghosts of the past are present in every relationship, even if only on a subconscious level. We cannot but compare our different experiences and we naturally draw parallels. No doubt, this be insulting or hurtful to someone who loves us. Should we talk about our ex with our current partner?

Is it wise to dig into your partner's past?

We can largely influence to what degree will our talking about our ex hurt our partner, by doing it the "right way". There are contexts in which we simply shouldn't mention our exes. For example, talking about their big cock or their divine breasts is entirely out of the question.

Some live by the rule that they have to know everything about their partner. Of course, they sometimes hear things they don’t like. Everyone likes comparisons which flatter them, but it’s true that all people have some positive aspects. If you’re interested in your partner's former relationships because you want to hear you’re better than their ex, you can easily make up a little idealizing interpretations. However, if you want to hear the truth, get ready for it because you might not be able to take it.

If your partner asks you questions about your past relationships (this inevitably happens at some point), answer in such a way that you don’t hurt them. However, never criticise your exes, or at least don't be nasty, as this is tasteless and says a lot about you. Also, don’t keep your past concealed from your lover, since this may damage your partner’s trust in you. They may suspect you’re hiding something.

Why are we preoccupied with our past?

The present already delivers many challenges we have to endure cooperating with our partners, so why should we burden ourselves with ghosts of the past? Many people think that talking about their past will help them get to know their partners better. This is a mistake. You have to be aware of the fact that your partners aren’t a reliable source of information. People present themselves to us exactly as they want to. It's no use worrying too much about our pasts, as what matters is always the present.

What shouldn’t you do?

Don’t lament particular past relationships in front of your current partner. Even though you need support and they’re willing to give it to you, this isn’t a firm basis for a love relationship. Having your current (or potential) partner’s shoulder to cry on isn’t the way to get over your ex and is even less a way to begin a new relationship.