Turning Points of a Relationship

26.03.2010 | By: A. B.

When two people fall in love, of course they don't give enough thought to the trials awaiting them in a serious, committed and responsible partnership. What are the turning points at which a relationship can suddenly lose its energy?

Infatuation never lasts, no matter how divine and heavenly it feels. (jlp)

When we fall in love, we're in heaven

When a person falls in love, this is definitely one of the most joyful and delightful experiences of his or her life. One feels another deep inside them, the person's closeness and union with them. Not a day passes by without one's expressing immortal love. Although infatuation can lead to marriage and to a serious relationship, it is something temporary. Usually there comes a day when the partners get over the need to indulge in pleasures of intercourse every single day, which means that the charm of novelty fades and the bliss of the first few months together disappears. If the partners are emotionally mature, they can understand and accept that. From infatuation they move on to life together and they try to create a relationship that will provide them with a safe haven which will allow them to deal bravely with indispensable trials life will bring their way.

Emotional immaturity

If one of the partners is emotionally immature or if both of them aren't mature enough to understand and weather the changes that a serious relationship brings along in the area of love, then their relationship will have to face a serious challenge. Almost half of the divorces happen in the first five years of marriage. One of the most common reasons for an early divorce is the end of infatuation, to put it simply. When the phase of enthusiasm ends, it turns out there are no bases for the survival of the relationship: no true affection, no common interests and understanding of each other. This could be due to the fact that the relationship started primarily because of sexual tendencies or due to the fact that the two persons entered a relationship very young and lacking experience with other partners.

A serious relationship doesn't mean only love, it also means understanding each other and seeking compromises. (jlp)

The birth of a child

The second serious test for the couple is the birth of their first child. For most women, pregnancy, childbirth and care for children are a very powerful experience. If a man isn't involved in all of this, he can feel alienated or can feel that his partner has changed into another person completely, a mother who is interested only in »the little intruder«. If a woman gets so dedicated to motherhood that she forgets to pay attention to and show love for her partner, he can start seeking female company - and later on love - somewhere else. On the other hand, a woman can be disappointed if a partner doesn't offer support she needs and acts as though their baby is only her domain.

Infertility

Infertility of one of the partners can threaten the relationship or marriage, even though in the initial phase of infatuation even serious issues like that aren't seen as a real obstacle. Infertility can lead to disappointment as soon as one of the partners wants to have a child. Artificial insemination can be a solution in particular situations, but it doesn't ensure that the child will really be conceived, since a series of problems can arise, which is especially unpleasant for the woman, whom can be constantly encouraged by her partner to try once again. Partners can surmount this problem only with the help of true love. What has to be achieved is that the infertile spouse doesn't feel guilty or doesn't see themselves as a failure. Love requires finding a possibility for the realization of one's emotional needs in the beloved. These needs can change over time and if the partners don't recognize this, they can start going their separate ways and grow apart. The most frequent mistake in serious relationships is of course selfishness, which causes intolerance and inability to give and receive.