When Is the Right Time to Reveal Your Emotional Scars?

20.07.2010 | By: I. M.

When there is a new relationship developing, each partner brings their own past into it, filled with experience and nice memories but also with emotional scars. So, when is the right time to reveal your emotional scars?

The emotional scars of the past come on the surface when a new relationship develops.

Do not reveal your emotional scars too quickly

Even though you think your new partner is worthy of your trust it is still not a good idea to reveal your emotional scars too fast. You cannot be sure if the person will accept them with understanding or not. It is very important to present your emotional scars in the right way. Too many conversations about the past can make your new partner feel like you are not ready for a new relationship because you are still dealing with things from the past. A new person can also think that you still have feelings for your ex partner.

Therefore it is very important to explicitly stress that your ex partner does not mean anything to you. Do not be embarrassed by your emotional scars because a lot of people have at least a few scars from the previous relationship. That can also be one of the common points you have with your new partner so you should also ask him or her about the past emotional scars.

Do not exaggerate about your emotional scars

When it comes to such intimate and delicate conversations with a new partner, confess only as much as he or she needs to know in order to get the whole picture. Do not exaggerate when talking about your emotional scars. Even though you might think it will bring you closer, you might be wrong. Many people do not want to be burdened with the past. It is better to focus on the future than to bring up past memories.

Do not portray yourself as a victim

When the conversation brings up the old emotional scars try to avoid portraying yourself as a victim or even worse, as a doormat. You thought you were making good decisions at the time but it turned out differently. Despite being hurt in the past, you should portray yourself as an active participant and not as a passive victim. That of course does not mean that you put all the blame for what happened on your ex partner.

Reveal your emotional scars at the right time

There is no rule which tells you when is the best time to reveal your emotional scars. You should do it when you feel the time is right and when the circumstances lead you to it. You should also be sure that the new partner will not exploit your trust.

The first wave of ''emotional baggage''

Some people think it is easier if all the baggage that marks the beginning of the relationship is dealt with as soon as possible. After that, they continue the relationship in a relaxed manner and without any surprises. Like wax depilation or removing the bandage - the pain is instant and it's over in a moment. That is one way to deal with your emotional scars. Confess everything and then let your partner decide if he or she wants to be with you or if you are a bit too much to deal with.