Who Is a Serial Monogamist?

2.07.2010 | By: S. B.

A serial monogamist is a modern person who exchanges partners one after the other and when involved in a romantic relationship he or she gets bored easily.

A serial monogamist usually has expectations that are too high. (Photoxpress)

Serial monogamist has unreal expectations

According to psychologists, serial monogamy is a rather frequent occurrence in a modern world and it is connected with two interesting phenomena. People have a much faster pace of life nowadays and do not take enough time to have a romantic relationship. Serial monogamist has instant relationships that end after a certain period of time and the reason for it is usually that they were not perfect. On one side a serial monogamist therefore does not have enough time and patience to persist in a relationship and invest the energy and time, but on the other side he or she longs for a perfect relationship, which is completely unreal.

The trend of serial monogamists is reflected in more and more marriage annulments compared to the past. American media predict that the USA will have approximately 50 percent of marriage annulments in the next years. The assessment is probably exaggerated and incorrect but the trend of serial monogamists is growing. The explanation can be find in the modern world where we are bombarded with the commercials and ads of the perfect bodies. That's why we are never completely happy with our partner's and our own body. Hollywood production of romantic movies affects especially women who still pine for a prince on a white horse but have high demands and criteria at the same time.

Psychologists who study the phenomenon of serial monogamy find it rather paradoxical. A serial monogamist clings to an idea of loving and living with only one person and therefore commits to fidelity and monogamous partnership, but he or she does not believe that this kind of relationship can last forever. A serial monogamist is constantly looking for somebody better because he or she does not want to face with the partner's imperfections.

Serial monogamist does not act upon an instinct but according to an agreement

David Barash and Judith Lipton wrote an interesting book called The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People. They revealed that people are not monogamous in their core but that monogamy is a based upon an agreement. Historical proofs exist that people longed for sexual freedom and experimenting with more partners but it was kept hidden from the public eye.

Therefore, a secret agreement existed that the noble men and women who had an arranged marriage because of the family benefits had secret lovers. The research even shows that the relationships which lasted a whole lifetime were present only in some civilizations and only 20 percent of partners remained together until death. A lifetime partnership is not very probable then, but people still long for an eternal relationship.

Having only one partner is not in accordance with natural laws, insist Barash and Lipton. However, people are very adaptable because they are influenced by the environment and upbringing as well as the culture that often promotes a monogamous relationship. Only rare couples persist in this kind of a relationship for a lifetime, some even make a compromise - a monogamous relationship yes, but a serial one, because we choose partners according to what satisfies us in a certain period of life.

The same was established by Peggy Vaughan who wrote a book The Monogamy Myth. So what drives a person to become a serial monogamist? It can be a way to avoid boredom and loneliness, not admitting to yourself that you are a perfectionist. living in a fairytale and waiting for a perfect partner or simply that sharing a life with another person is more pleasant and easier.