Would You Rather Be Right All the Time or Happy?

17.11.2011 | By: Z. J.

Try to let go of your ego and you’ll be twice as happy as before.

Think of yourself, but not only yourself. (PhotoXpress)

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When you decide to enter into a relationship, it means that you’ll no longer be alone. You’ll have a person to share your problems with as well as happiness. At least it seems that way. But two people don’t become one. Pessimists say that in reality the partners become two halves that are filled with their ego. Well, it’s obvious that two halves compose one unit. So, if you’re truly two halves and not a quarter and three quarters, there’s nothing to worry about in your love life.

What’s important to “us”?

When “you and I” become “us”, it’s time for a new paradigm. The time when “you and I” become “us” differs considerably from couple to couple, but it definitely occurs when the partners start living together – and paying the same bills. In some couples, the paradigm changes very early on and the change often doesn’t occur in both partners at the same time. If you have common interests, plans for your future and a desire to stay together, you probably consider yourselves as “us”. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that you’ve already chosen your baby’s name, but when a friend invites you to go diving, you somewhat egoistically forget that your darling has to defend her master’s dissertation at that time. Although it’s important to have a strong and firm bond, which is represented by your desires about family in this case, it’s also important to remember the details like the dates important to your partner. For instance, can you imagine what would happen to your body if all your capillaries vanished? It’s the details that provide new energy for your great love.

Keep your promises

If you stick to the aforementioned scenario, you have the following options: she’ll probably swear at you and leave with her wounded ego; she’ll threaten you in an egoistic way and blackmail you to come to her presentation; or she’ll be understanding and say honestly: “Of course, go diving. It’s important that you have fun!” and won’t love you any less. But we can assure you that she’ll love you even more if you go to her presentation, but that’s not the main point. In this case, one of you has to sacrifice something, and that’s your ego. It’s difficult to determine or decide together what means more to who. In such cases, you can call a rational assistant for help, i.e. time. Do you remember childhood games and pranks: “I said it first! Or I saw it first!” and so on. When fulfilling your promises, it’s best to stick to a chronological order, meaning first-in, first-out. Of course, sometimes it’s impossible or irrational to follow this order, but your inner compass will always point you in the right direction if you stick to the chronological order of promises. Keep in mind that in love, as in other areas of life, a promise is a debt. A promise should be respected, so be careful what you promise. If you’re not a man of your word, you’re not even a man. The same goes for women.

Immediately give up the role of an egoist or victim

If you think for whatever reason that you always have to compromise more, or you even enjoy the role of being a total giver, more specifically – victim, get it out of your head as quickly as possible. This is just a game of an egoist who enjoys playing a victim. By acting like this, you harm yourself because you methodically reduce your self-esteem, which is also noticed by your partner, but he/she just profits from your kindness. There will come a time when you’ll get fed up with everything and your partner, who doesn't even notice how he dominates you, won’t have the faintest idea what’s the origin of your sudden rage that only egoistic victims are capable of. You can demand whatever you want, but say honestly and straightforward what’s important to you and oppose to things that bother you. After all, we’re all just human and as people say: “Everything is simple if you’re honest.”

Being an egoist is wrong as well. Of course, you’re a free person as an equal partner in a relationship, but just like elsewhere, your rights end in the relationship where the rights of your partner begin. This assumption can be a bone of contention or at least a hard nut to crack for many couples. If you want to be happy, try to resolve your problems promptly, decide on priorities and, above all, don’t be guided by your selfish and over-proud ego. Your love relationship isn’t intended for you to exercise power, but to draw it from your partner.