Communication and Sex: The Best Way to Have Excellent Sex Is to Learn to Communicate

Communication is essential for excellent sex and for you to be able to excite your significant other by seeing what's hidden in his or her head. You shouldn't use the proverb “silence implies consent” in your sex life.

 

Communication between a man and a woman is something that gradually becomes more and more important in a relationship. (jlp)

 

The importance of communication

Men and women communicate differently. John Gray, expert in the fields of communication and relationships, claims that in men the way to love leads through sex, whereas women approach sex through love or emotions. It’s no wonder that many couples find that they don’t speak the same language.

The social roles ascribed to the sexes

Both the biological basis and upbringing lead to differences in communication. This isn’t problematic if we are aware of the differences between the sexes and take them as a starting-point for dialogue. For instance, when a woman thinks that a man doesn’t listen to her, she withdraws, both emotionally and physically.

Let’s take an example of a woman who said that she had fallen in love with her husband when she had found out that he always listened to her. She was completely surprised when he repeated her words a few days later and understood what she meant to say.

Women prefer the type of a man who’s capable of listening to them. (jlp)

What does a woman want?

Women prefer self-confident and self-assured men who know how to listen to them. When a woman confides in you about her problem, she doesn’t always expect advice. Therefore, it’s wise if you ask her right away: “Well, would you like to confide in me or do you want my advice?” This is a sign of great respect to her. She often only wants you to listen to her. If you’re patronising, she can start to withdraw.

Communication and sex

When it comes to communication and sex, some communication differences between the sexes have concrete consequences. Although women want you to know what sexually satisfies them, they don’t like to talk to you about it. Although they love to discuss sex in female company, many of them are embarrassed when they have to talk to a man about this topic.

Paget stresses 4 main reasons why women are unwilling to confide in their partners about their desires:

1.    If women say what they want, they feel that they are likely to be condemned as lascivious or critical.

 

2.    Women know the feelings, but it’s difficult for them to describe them in detail.

 

3.    They are worried that a man will see their suggestion as criticism and think that he isn’t a good lover.

 

4.    Women believe that men don’t really listen to them.

Don't be a macho: recognise a woman’s ‘criticism’ as well-intended. (jlp)

Looking like a good girl

Many women, particularly those who are single, still want others to see them as good girls and don’t want to give the impression that they've slept with a lot of men. They’re afraid that men will understand ‘I like this and that’ as a hint that ‘another man’ did those things to them, which can offend men. This is, of course, the problem of male machist understanding of female sexual behaviour.

According to Paget, the sexist interpretation of sex still isn’t a thing of the past. (jlp)

The importance of communication

Let’s make it clear that communication should never be underestimated. When you’re close to your partner on that level, all the other elements of sex are tuned automatically. In conclusion, Paget makes a few generalisations that aren’t true for all men and women. However, there’s at least a hint of truth in them:

-    Women fall in love "between the ears" and men fall in love through the eyes.

 

-    Men like to speed up in bed. Women prefer a slow rhythm.

 

-    Men are focused on their goal and try to reach an orgasm as soon as possible. Women like the longer way to an orgasm better and love to take time to reach it.

 
 

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