Learn The Art of Arguing

6.10.2011 | By: S. J.

The art of arguing helps you prevent a pileup of issues in your head so you can focus on sex.

Everybody can use fists. Only few are good at the art of arguing. Are you one of them? (PhotoXpress)

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Forgive and forget – it has a very cliché ring to it, because it is a lot easier to say you are sorry than to actually forgive someone. That is where the art of arguing comes into the picture.

If you are married or in a serious relationship, which has been going on for some time, you have surely come across the problem, when your better half has said or done something that offended or even hurt you. It can be something trivial or something really important, which makes you feel the need to strike back. If you do not strike back immediately, you store this mistake as a kind of a get-out-of-jail-free card for yourself when it’s your turn to commit a sin sometime in the future. Does this sound familiar: “Yeah, what about when you did this and that?”

When you are offended, the last thing you want to do is forget about it. But if we want a good, loving and a long-lasting relationship, this is exactly what we have to do. Read some suggestions which will come in handy, when your partner disappoints you:

Art of Arguing Rule 1: It takes two to tango

When you feel the need to talk about a certain issue do not attack your partner unexpectedly. It is very unkind and inappropriate. Good art of arguing manners dictate that instead both of you should set the time and place to discuss the matter because in such a way both of you will have the opportunity to think about your viewpoints. This will lead to a much more productive debate that would never have happened if one of the partners simply attacked the other non-suspecting “sinner”.

Art of Arguing Rule 2: If you don't mean it, don't say it

When something hurts us, we often say very nasty things even though we do not actually mean them; If you are angry and feel like you are about to explode and you cannot restrain yourself from saying insulting and negative words, the art of arguing rules say it is better to wait, calm down a bit and continue the conversation with your partner once you have yourself under control.

Be patient with your partner even though they have disappointed you. If you see that they need a day or two to cool down, do not pressure them. Of course, this can not be an excuse to postpone the conversation, but it is definitely better if both of you take some time for yourself, gather your thoughts and then talk about the possible solutions to your conflict.

Art of Arguing Rule 3: Leave the past rest

Do you remember the get-out-of-jail-free card mentioned before? Although it may be true that your partner has messed up on a number of occasions, do not use this as an excuse for your transgression. Do not heat up old topics which were already discussed. Such a conversation can turn into a list of offences and mistakes you have committed against each other in the past. The art of arguing stresses that this does not in any way resemble dealing with the problem at hand but it seems like unproductive heating up and bickering about old ones. Focus only on one problem at a time. It will be a lot better for your relationship if you deal with problems gradually rather than dragging up all the things that need fixing and changing.

Art of Arguing Rule 4: Don't just listen. HEAR!

It is important to let each other speak and listen to one another. During the conversation, if you are merely thinking about the next thing you are going to say, neither one will actually listen to what the other is saying.

When it is your turn, try to explain your side of things to your partner in such a way that they are able to understand how you feel. Try to illustrate in some way how their actions have affected you. According to the art of arguing, your partner also has to have an opportunity to justify their actions with words. Sometimes it is possible that you have misread the entire situation.