Naughty Tips on Male Masturbation

30.01.2010 | By: A. B.

Men aren't very inventive when it comes to masturbating. We only think of our hands. That's why we offer you some great tips on how to make your solo action more interesting.

The best way to replace a living, breathing woman is to use a sex doll.

Stick it in a jar of honey

As you know, honey is a good substance to increase friction, and is used by older couples during intercourse because the vagina is not as tight as it used to be. It can also be used in male masturbation. Pour honey into a jar and stick your penis into it. The sensations will be similar to the real deal because honey is a thick and sticky liquid, so you won't be able to thrust too easily, and your penis will be literally embraced from all sides. Don't just laugh at our idea. Try it and you will see that it works. If there are no bees around, that is.

Put on a condom and rub against the bed

This kind of masturbation will not be the same as doing it with a woman, but the main advantage is that you will not have to stimulate your penis with your hand and will thus have the feeling that you are not completely alone, especially if you use your imagination and if you are helped by some hot photos or porn. Put the condom on the erected penis, lie on your stomach and start rubbing against the bed. Your body and the bed will embrace your penis from the top to the bottom, which means that there will be plenty of friction and that you might be in for a very powerful orgasm. Go for it, and don't be embarrassed by the fact that you are actually doing it with your bed.

Come here, honey! (jlp)

Buy a doll or an artificial vagina

Dolls are very expensive, but if you are willing to shell out, the pleasure you experience during masturbation will be closest to intercourse with a real woman. The dolls come in many sizes and varieties. Some look like famous porn stars, others are made so that a person might mistake them for a living being in the middle of the night. It all depends on how much money you can spend. A Jenna Jameson doll will set you back for around 500 dollars, while a Chinese fat girl costs about 300 dollars. Many dolls are cheaper, but they're of inferior quality. Let there be no mistake, a doll can cost around 300 dollars and still give you the opportunity of vaginal, oral and of course anal intercourse. So, if you want to masturbate in a way that will feel like the real thing, the doll is perhaps the way to go. A similar principle applies to an artificial vagina which you can stick on the wall or put on the bed. Here, money is of key importance too: the more expensive ones are better and more similar to the real vaginas. The best are of the vibrating variety and made out of a material that resembles human skin.

Modern artificial vaginas are so similar to the real ones that you won't be able to tell them apart in the dark.

Watermelon and American Pie

In the famous comedy American Pie, the protagonist gets caught by his father when masturbating with a pie. The principle is actually quite sound, especially if the pie is still warm and if it's thick enough. You can do something similar with a watermelon, which is demonstrated very clearly in the movie The Wayward Cloud, where this fruit is used instead of a woman’s crotch. As you know, the watermelon is a very moist and “deep” fruit, with a lot of soft flesh, which is a very good approximation of a vagina and gives men similar feelings. Don't worry, no one will observe you while you're masturbating.

A watermelon can serve as an excellent substitute for a woman’s crotch. (jlp)

A roll of toilet paper and a vacuum cleaner

A very cheap and practical option which needn't be discussed in detail. We're talking about the hole in the toilet roll, where a man can insert his penis with no difficulty. We recommend you put a condom on to acquire the necessary moisture. Then you start pushing your penis into the roll which gives you friction from all sides. That is, if your phallus isn't too thick. The same principle applies to the hose of a vacuum cleaner, which is a bit dangerous variety of a vagina. Especially if you make the setting too high. Vacuum cleaners that can blow air out are also appropriate. This means you can switch functions and enjoy your masturbation immensely.

If these ideas seem rather foolish to you, you can of course always stick to your hand.