Out yourself, but be prepared

5.05.2010 | By: T. P.

Do you want to be rid of the pressure? Do you not want to live in lie any more? We have prepared some advice on how to out yourself to your family and the world. This article will prepare you for the possible reactions.

Do not carry the burden. Be brave and come out of the closet. (PhotoXpress)

Why you should out yourself

As a homosexual you carry a great burden and one of the most difficult steps you have to take is to out yourself and reveal your sexual tendencies to loved ones and the world. Here are a few reasons why outing yourself it is important:

it is easier to meet people of the same tendencies
you can have better relations with your family and friends based on what we really are
you and your partner can attend family celebrations
you can stop changing names, telling half-truths and lies and you can stop the tiring covering up
you will gain self-respect and confidence
your family finally understands all aspects of your personality, they can help you if your partner becomes ill and so on
you are changing the world with your actions because you are ridding it of homophobia
have you had enough of listening to tasteless jokes, comments and contempt from your father, "friends", people you know?

Out yourself - step by step

First, you have to out yourself to yourself and accept it

Outing yourself happens in steps. The first step is admitting it to yourself. This is the most important step. But admitting it to yourself can be difficult for various reasons. Religious convictions, being considered illegal in some countries, the pressures of education and the environment, an internalized homophobia, all of these things can make coming out impossible or extremely difficult, even when admitting it just to yourself. Once you overcome your own fears and admit that your love is different, it is time for the next step.

Out yourself to your family and friends

The second step is telling your family and friends. Admitting to friends is usually easier. The real problem is the family, mostly the father in our society. But you have to get past this obstacle if you want to live a full and liberated life

Religion has never been kind to homosexuals. Most churches consider it a sin, but only if practiced. (PhotoXpress)

Publicly out yourself

The third step is coming out publicly. This step can have serious consequences. You can lose your job (although this is prohibited in most countries), you can be the target or verbal and physical abuse. The public is usually not interested what your sexual tendencies are, confessions take place at parades and special occasions, where you prove that you are not ashamed of being gay with a public appearance. Most people do not have to deal with coming out publically because there are not many advantages and there can be much hassle.

All confessions have to be well thought out and not forced. You have to make decisions for your own life.

How to out yourself more easily

Do not let anyone force you to out yourself publicly.
Come out only if you have enough emotional and material support to accept the reactions, which can be drastic. Some friends will want you to see a psychologist, your parents may throw you out, so you have to be ready for the consequences.
If you are rejected and if the response is negative, think if this person is worth the effort. Do not let this affect your confidence.
Be aware that news travels fast.
Give people time to think it over. You had plenty of time to face it yourself.
You have to be sure of how you feel. If you are not sure of your sexual tendencies, then explore your emotions first. Only after you are sure about what you are doing, do you share this with others. First, you have to be sure of yourself.
Never do it during an argument. Do not try to hurt someone with this when you are angry or use it to shock someone.
Do it when the time is right. Also think about the state the other person is in. If they are under great stress, ill, or have many personal problems, then you better wait for the right moment.
Do not do it when you are drunk or under the influence of drugs. It is best to have a clear mind.
Emphasize that you are still the same person and that now your attitude can finally be genuine and honest.
If you know that your parents or those close to you do not know all the facts and that their heads are full of misconceptions, offer them a good pamphlet or book about homosexuality without forcing it on them, you can also suggest talking to a social worker or a doctor/psychologist
Choose the appropriate way for the appropriate environment. You do not need a big, festive announcement for work. Casual conversation about your free time can be the best moment to mention your partner and your plans for the weekend. Let the information sink in slowly.
Prepare answers for the most frequently asked questions – "Is this not only a phase?", "Are you sure?", "I am sure you did not try hard enough with girls...", …
if you are younger and tell your classmates, be certain they will understand and support you. You can find out by engaging them in a general conversation about homosexuality.
Teachers and counselors are only people and can be homophobic as well.
If you cannot face your parents and tell them, write a letter.
If possible, ensure the support of someone you really trust, like a relative or friend. This person can be really helpful in helping your parents accept this.
Celebrate your confession, this is one of the most important events in your life

If you out yourself, you also take certain risks

It is hard to predict people’s reactions, so there is always risk. Some people just cannot accept that some people might not be heterosexuals. The parents’ reactions can be very different. Some break off all contact, some ignore or choose not to hear the confession because they cannot or do not know how to accept this fact. Some completely renounce their child, which can be financially very difficult for young people. In the worst case scenario, the father could try to "beat the gay out of you".

There is risk at the workplace as well, but this is a very broad subject. If you out yourself publicly there is a chance that your life may be threatened.