Do lesbians simply need a “real man”?

Would a lesbian stop being a lesbian if she experienced really good intercourse with a man?

 

A lesbian is a woman who wants a sexual and emotional relationship with another woman. (jlp)

The hate speech that lesbians deal with often shows the relationship towards women in general. This is worrying because such speeches are often one-sided and very chauvinistic. Many statements show that female subjugation to men is still deeply embedded in our subconscious. It’s interesting that men aren’t the only ones to cling to such beliefs. Before you open your mouth again, think about what you want to say – not only because of what you want to say about others, but mostly because of what this says about you.

The relationship between men and women also dictates the relationship towards lesbians. (jlp)

Lesbians reject men

Some lesbians really are hostile towards men, but this is a minority of lesbians and it’s not right to make generalisations based on a minority. The conviction that lesbians reject men has another, deeper origin. It stems from the relationship between a heterosexual man and woman. Lesbians are women who want a sexual and emotional connection with other women. This is a simplified definition, without any unnecessary negative connotations about rejection and denial, which serves mostly to spread the idea that lesbians want to threaten the existing social order. Besides using this statement wrongly for lesbians, this way of teasing is also used on other women. The same words that lesbians hear, women with higher standards who don’t accept every man also hear. They’re also victims of hate speech and the source is the same. They’re often the targets of other men and other women. These women are talked about as thinking they’re better than other people, as being snobs and thinking they’re superior. It seems that the only real option for women is to be crazy about any testosterone on two legs.

Many women are still waiting for their prince. (jlp)

A lesbian hasn’t found the right man yet

Lesbians can be cured by a good lover. We find two false beliefs in this statement. The first is that lesbianism is a disease that has to be cured. The other false belief it that the right lover cures women. The conviction that a lesbian just hasn’t met the right man yet clearly indicates that women are still considered passive recipients of what men give them and that sexuality is something a man does to a woman. An unsatisfied heterosexual woman also hasn’t found the right man yet. The general belief is: If a woman is unsatisfied sexually, she has to keep looking for a lover who will satisfy her. A good lover isn’t the solution (or cure) for lesbians or for heterosexual women. But it is true that we’re not compatible with all lovers. It’s also true that we could go to the end of the world and still wouldn’t find what we were looking for because the problem is in ourselves and our perception of ourselves as passive recipients. Just as lesbians aren’t sick, women who are looking for more in a man are also not sick. But, unfortunately, just like lesbians, they also represent a threat to the existing order. The same threat is also represented by women who actively seek men and are thus often considered to be tramps. Snow White was also not destined to enjoy herself with the seven dwarfs for too long. Soon a prince came along and turned her into a decent woman.


Some women come to life only when a man walks into their life. (jlp)

What do stereotypical convictions about lesbians tell us about the relationship towards women

Stereotypes about lesbians are maintained and encouraged by stereotypical convictions about women in general. Stereotypical convictions about lesbians actually stem from (are a consequence of) the stereotypical belief about men and women. These beliefs are based on female dependency on men. Not just men, but women have also internalised the dependency of their happiness and fulfilment with a good lover. Some classical fairy tales also tell us about what happens to women who wait for their saviours passively and then he comes. Read Sleeping Beauty, which was written 300 years ago, again. She was dead until he came along and gave her life. A wonderful summary of reality. It’s true that intercourse makes many problems disappear, but good intercourse doesn’t require an active man and a passive woman. Women are convinced that men are the ones who work in intercourse. Women expect intercourse to happen magically. If their lover is the right one, he’ll make them happy and fulfilled. Consequently, women are often at the mercy of men. They wait for their decision. Thus some women still can’t grasp that they have to seduce and be active in their lives. As a consequence we have a whole host of unsatisfied and angry women, who are convinced there’s something wrong with them if they can’t find satisfaction in the role they were assigned.

 

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