Is the Frequent Exchange of Partners Natural?

20.06.2010 | By: T. G.

Experimenting with different sexual partners is probably a natural process, but the society normally does not approve of it. How frequent exchange of partners is natural?

Nowadays the fact that the man is a hunter means that he frequently exchanges partners. (Photoxpress)

The Victorian image of a “fallen woman” who has lost her innocence, given up and started exchanging partners every day was created by Opens internal link in current window double morality because they wanted to infuse young women with a fear of sexuality and sin. This naturally doesn’t mean that promiscuity doesn’t exist.

Exchange of partners during student years

A typical example was described by Maureen Green in her book “The Sexual Side of Love” (1973). Audrey, an attractive young student, is known for exchanging men often. She chooses an attractive young man at every party, seduces him and spends the night with him. Her friends are appalled by Audrey’s behaviour, but it is her uncertainty that is making her do this. She never knew if her father really loved her and what to do to get his love. When she grew up, she realized she could get men’s attention with her sexual attraction. She was looking for deeper and firmer love in all her shallow contacts. But she did it in a way that she ruined her chances of finding true love in advance. She stopped exchanging men only when she met an older man who understood the reasons for her behavior and helped her see them herself. He also gave her emotional security for which she longed so much.

Exchange of partners in the generation of “renegades”

It is known that the generation from the 1960s and early 1970s reflected the fact that they did not get enough love from their parents because they were growing up in a very rigid society. Many tried to compensate the lack of love with life in communities and with open sexuality which also included frequent exchange of partners.

Reasons for the frequent exchange of partners

A man gets really aroused when observing his potential sexual partner, but women mostly do not. A man gets aroused because his response is conditioned by past experiences, while this is mostly not the case with women. A man is already aroused by the thought of possible new adventures, a new type of sexual partner, new kind of pleasure he might experience in a new relationship, new possibilities, the chance of trying out new techniques and possibly feel pleasure like never before. None of these factors are as important to an average woman as they are to a man.

What drives a man to exchange the partners so frequently

Male promiscuity often stems from the pleasure a man gets from chasing and successfully getting a new partner. When he proves his sexual abilities to himself, he is tempted to find a new woman. If we were to follow this logic, then we could say that men do not have relations with only the current partner, but with all the partners they have ever made love to, and with all the women they want to.

Kinsey says the frequent exchange of partners is all about uncertainty

The core of all Kinsey’s research of the frequent exchange of partners involves uncertainty and the search for a deep and satisfying relationship. Nothing betrays uncertainty more than the need to seduce and reaffirm yourself. Wilhelm Reich wrote some very appropriate observations concerning this. He said that people, who have achieved a certain capability of orgasmic satisfaction, maintain monogamous relationships much more easily than people who suffer from sexual blockages. The monogamous orientation with the first type of people is not the consequence of repressed polygamous tendencies or moral reservations, but is based on sexual prosperity which is made up from experiencing strong sexual pleasure each time anew and satisfaction with the same sexual partner. The condition for this is the perfect harmony between both partners.

But when there is no appropriate partner, and this is quite common nowadays, the capability for monogamy turns into its opposite, into an unstoppable search for the right partner and frequent exchange of partners. When people find the right partner, they go back to monogamy on their own, which lasts as long as the sexual harmony and satisfaction last. There are no thoughts and desires for other partners or the desires do not become fulfilled because of the interest in the current partner.