Sex After Giving Birth

1.05.2010 | By: A. B.

Sex after giving birth can be problematic for women, due to physical and emotional problems.

Women often neglect their partners after giving birth. (PhotoXpress)

A couple's interesting story

Maureen Green, the author of the book Sexual Aspects of Love, wrote a story about a young couple, Jane and Peter. After Jane got pregnant, both were ecstatic about having their first child. It was a difficult childbirth, but nonetheless both were very happy when their daughter was born. Peter respected that his wife had to have stitches and was busy with the baby, so he did not even mention sex in the first weeks. Six months after childbirth, Jane was still refusing to have sex and they noticed something was wrong. Jane went to see her doctor and mentioned that she was distressed because she had lost all interest in sex. The doctor started asking her about her opinions on sex, marriage and motherhood and they discovered that deep down inside her, Jane was convinced that sex is not appropriate for a mother. She felt she had to take life more seriously now that she was a mother and she considered sex the exact opposite of serious, maybe even immoral. She wanted to be like her mother, who, so she thought, never really condoned sex. Once these thoughts entered her conscious mind, her doctor finally managed to convince her to join the roles of mother and lover and save her marriage with Peter, who was growing unhappier by the day.

The problem can also be the man with his changed view of his partner. (PhotoXpress)

More about sexual life after giving birth

It's not just women though

The problems men face are even more interesting. Men often see their partner in a different light after she gave birth, especially if they were present during birth and could not process what they saw in the correct way. Before he considered her an object of desire, but after seeing her give birth, he can become afraid that he will injure her by penetrating her and eventually he even starts fearing sex itself. The man is also plagued by the fact that now the mysteriousness of the woman's body is gone and that now he will have to share sexuality with the constant presence of the baby. This is also where women usually fail, because they spend too much time with the child and housework and completely forget about their husbands, since for the first few weeks after giving birth, in their heads, they are first and foremost mothers and not sexual partners or objects of desire. Or as a new mommy commented: "The sexual side of life seemed insignificant and I completely overlooked how important it was to my husband."

Changing the way of life

Various sexual problems are common after giving birth but the reasons are usually simple. Mostly it is just exhaustion, due to the question of rearranging the whole life with the baby in the first place. Usually partners adjust to their new duties and the way of life and in a couple of months all sexual problems, if there were any at all, are gone. But for most people it is not so easy. Or as it is explained in the book Love and Sexuality: "Some women become full of fear after becoming mothers, they are completely overtaken by fear. Her husband might not understand it and feels that motherhood should be something completely natural. Maybe he cannot realize that for his wife, motherhood means learning new skills, adapting to new responsibilities, adjusting to new duties, as for example, a new job. The husband feels neglected and rejected, because the woman only focuses on the baby."