Take Responsibility for the Lack of Intercourse

The lack of sexual intercourse is (too) often the reason for a rift forming between partners. Take responsibility for it!

Long-term relationships and sexuality

In long-term relationships, it often happens that the sexual life runs dry. Often, the women are reproached for this. In most relationships, sexual intercourse becomes more and more an arrangement as the years go by. Many people can't grasp this and start another relationship. But the easiest way isn’t always the best. The story will most likely recur. The excitement we feel at the start of a relationship is more appealing than the later stages. But you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.

A relationship without intercourse doesn’t just happen

We create a relationship without sexual intercourse ourselves. It is more unconscious than not, but still. We all know we want it, but we don’t work hard for it. This means that we don’t pay attention to the partner because we don’t feel like it. We just don’t find the time for it, we are not interested, we would rather do something else and then complain about it. We rather decide to chat with friends, watch television, or browse the internet. Most often we feel sparks in all other areas, except where it would be most advisable. The arguments become more frequent and violent. The reproaches get louder. Such a condition naturally doesn’t speak about an exaggerated responsibility of the people involved.

Why is it hard to take responsibility for one's own sexuality?

Not just when sexual intercourse is concerned, but generally in life, we don’t like to take responsibility for things we fail at and which require putting some effort into them. We prefer to ignore them and we pretend they don’t exist, but most often, we blame our partners for them. When the ratio between the days when we have relations and the days we don’t is in favour of the days we don’t have sexual intercourse, this means defeat for many people. They wave the white flag and capitulate. The other problem is assigning the burden of the blame we put on ourselves. It is also hard to take the responsibility because most people think that intercourse will happen on its own, that everyone, except us, is doing something. The third reason is being stuck in immature behaviour patterns which we are unable to break. Responsible people are mature people.

What to do when the sexual life dissapears?

The answer seems obvious. First, point the finger pointing at your partner at yourself. Nobody else is responsible for your fortune or misfortune. Those are just excuses. It is not a matter of what somebody does to us, but a matter of what we allow this person to do. If you don’t like the situation your are in, take matters into your own hands. Even if you are a woman, there is nothing wrong if you get off your high horse, pull up your sleeves and get to work. The same goes for men – spoiling and courting your lady isn’t something you do for one, two or three months, but your entire life. That doesn’t make you any less of a man.

Find more advice on the lack of sexual intercourse in the Encyclopedia of Sexuality.