Why Do Sexual Games Excite Us So Much?

Many couples use sexual games to spice up their sexuality. But why are sexual games so popular?

Sexual games are games for adults which means that reason and the right amount of imagination are very important. (Photoxpress)

Sexy games can spice up your sexuality

A line has to be drawn between sexual games and things that one partner does out of fetishism or even out of force. For someone who likes to play, the diversity matters and sexual games are like a new spice you add to your favorite dish. For a fetishist the play or the object is all that matters and the person cannot reach sexual satisfaction without it. Sexual games can be a lot of fun and immensely exciting. For example, a husband is tempted to pay his wife for sexual intercourse and thus he puts her in a role of a prostitute. She takes the money and plays a subordinate role. He can grab her and take her by force.

Dislike of sexual games

Some people decline role-playing  because they feel games depersonalize their sexuality. They imagine their partner is making love to someone else in his or her imagination and this is supposed to mean that their sexuality is unsatisfactory in reality. Shakespeare's Mark Anthony talked about Cleopatra's 'infinite variety' and thus expressed the feelings that almost every person has about his or her loved one. The partners can mutually explore the variety of role playing for their whole life.

»Secret personality« is extremely exciting

Great closeness can result in contempt and indifference. It is definitely true that the unknown excites us more than the known. If one of the partners takes an unknown role that can bring a great sexual stimulation to the other partner.

Harold Pinter even wrote a short play which starts a with a scene between a wife and a husband who are saying good-bye to each other before the husband goes to work. Each word, each movement and the kiss goodbye are a part of an everyday routine which they both play mechanically. As soon as the husband leaves, the wife starts to prepare for her lover. The lover comes as arranged, he is passionate and playful, quite the opposite of a husband. The point is that the lover is actually the husband who plays the role of a lover. The husband and the wife are then making love and stay in their new roles for the whole time. After the lover leaves, a bored husband comes home from work in the evening and they continue with their daily routine. The play effectively shows that playing roles can be a very powerful sexual stimulation.

Sexual game of rape

Subordination is the main game that Comfort recommends in his book 'The Joy of Sex'. Sexual games where one of the partners ties the other up can be an effective form of exploring and expressing sexuality but they demand a great deal of trust. Comfort says: '' The rules of sexual games are similar to a child's play - stop playing if the game becomes mean, insidious or gets you in a bad mood.''

It is all Freud's fault

There are always people who claim that playing games is childish and that such kind of sexuality is immature. Freud is greatly responsible for forming such opinions because he brought the term infantile into the field of sexuality. The opposite stance was taken by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow, who says that only a grown up person who trusts the partner and wants to realize oneself can play such ''regressive games'' and that such games help a person to maintain their mental health.