Why Doesn't She Want a Threesome?

4.09.2010 | By: K. Z.

Would you really like to have a threesome but your girlfriend or partner is less than thrilled? Read on to find out why she feels that way.

Having a threesome – fantasy or reality? (Photoxpress)

Having a threesome is a stereotypic male fantasy but that doesn’t mean that women don’t fantasize about it. Men who want to have a threesome and have a partner who likes the idea will probably just skip this article. But if you’re not one of these lucky guys, read on and find out what fears and reservations spring to your loved one’s mind when you suggest inviting a friend or casual acquaintance into your bed. We‘re sure you’ll get some tips on how to approach the issue so that both you and your partner will be satisfied.

“He wants a threesome because he’s not attracted to me anymore”

At the suggestion to spice up your love life with a threesome a lot of women will jump to the conclusion that you are no longer attracted to her and that's why you want to have intercourse with someone else. This stems from her uncertainty and distrust, which is perhaps already eating away the foundations of your relationship. If you think you’ll solve the problem by spicing up your sexual life, you’re dead wrong. Your request will be denied and your bed will become even colder.

“What if we have a threesome and he’ll like her more?”

Women just can’t bear to share their partner with someone who has a flatter tummy or a tighter tush. So when you suggest having a threesome don’t drop the bomb and surprise her by already choosing the woman. Leave the professional model from next door who’s twenty years her junior out of this or she will be in a very very bad mood. It’s best if you decide together on who you will invite to join you in bed and in this way your partner’s self-esteem will remain relatively intact.

“What if he’ll leave me for her after the threesome?”

Some women have a negative self –image and are afraid that their partner will leave them because the other woman is better in bed. Some people see a threesome as a silent consent to infidelity and a serious challenge to you monogamous relationship. So it’s very important that you don’t suggest a threesome just so you could have a sexual encounter with another woman (whom you’re perhaps already in love with) without guilty conscience. That could truly bring on the end of your relationship.

“I don't want a threesome - I’m not ready to share”

This is one of the common and very plausible reasons for your partner's reluctance to agree to a threesome. If your relationship is exclusively monogamous and even innocent flirting is seen as wrong, then your suggestion will probably cause a wave of shock and resentment. It’s entirely possible that your partner views you as her property to which she alone has access to and it will be pretty tough to convince her to share. Whatever her reasons for declining a threesome or even a conversation about it, you mustn’t pressure her. Your sexual life and sexual acts must be based on mutual consent and pleasure and it’s definitely not right to blackmail her by threatening to leave her if she doesn’t comply with your wishes and fantasies. Conversation is key here – let her explain why she’s not up for a threesome and no matter how silly or banal her arguments seem to you, you need to listen to her and respect her decision.