Are You Scared of Having Sex? Did You Ever Hear of Vaginismus?

29.05.2010 | By: T. P.

If you are scared of having sex you probably feel uncomfortable every time before penetration or you may even feel intense pain in the vagina during penetration. It is possible that this is caused by vaginismus.

Some people suffer from vaginismus which means that they are scared of sex. (Photoxpress)

If you are scared of sex, visit a gynaecologist or a therapist

If you are scared of sex it means that you probably suffer from a condition called vaginismus. Vaginismus is women’s equivalent to men’s impotence. The woman always subconsciously tightens the vaginal muscles before the penetration of the penis, a finger or an aid, and thus also makes a gynaecological examination impossible. The pain experienced in sexual intercourse, but which does not prevent sexual intercourse, has to be mentioned to your gynaecologist. The gynaecologist will examine you in detail and determine whether there is any physical illness. It usually involves a vaginal infection. If there is a psychological problem, you need the help of a therapist.

Some women have vaginismus since youth, while some women develop the condition after a certain period of normal sexual relations. It often involves fear of sex and there are a number of causes for such fear according to psychoanalysts. The woman could be scared of sex because she fears that she will get pregnant, because she sees her father in her partner, and she thus protects herself from incest. The fear that she will experience pain during penetration which would be similar to giving birth. The fear that she will be dominated by a man.

Reasons why some women are scared of sex

Friedman (1962) describes three types of women inclined to vaginismus:

the sleeping beauty (father-type relationship with partner and various feelings of guilt)
the Brunhilde (the woman perceives sex as a battle between the sexes, and the male dominance has to be opposed)
the queen bee (the woman perceives sex as dirty and sinful, she is afraid of pain during sexual intercourse but she wants to get pregnant)

Frequently the partner may be responsible for the development of vaginismus. The partner of such a woman is often impotent, he has other sex problems, he has a flabby personality, he is not self-confident, or he is passive and inexperienced. Of course, such situation is only one of the possible causes.

Treatment of vaginismus: Don't be scared of sex, learn to enjoy it

Treatment of vaginismus is effective and it consists of psychotherapy and practical exercises. One of the procedures, developed by Kaplan (1974), is briefly described below. The woman thoroughly studies the anatomy of sexual organs and then she watches and examines her vagina. She tries to insert one finger into the vagina, then two fingers, and she can also use special plastic dildos or tubes that she moves in and out of the vagina. When she masters this phase, her partner can join her. First the woman leads his hand to eliminate the fear of sexual intercourse as much as possible. In the next phase, the partners rub their genitals, but they try to reach orgasm without sexual intercourse, only by hand. This is followed by penetration, which is controlled by the woman (woman is on top), and they also use moisturisers. The man has to be as still as possible. The method is highly successful.

You can find more information on the ways of treating vaginismus together with your partner in videos on the payable sites, where advice about vaginismus is given by experts.