Mixed signals

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Written on: 11. May 2010 10:04
lollypop
Topic creator
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63
I've recently started seeing this new guy. So far he seems to be everything I could've hoped for. He's smart, funny, good-looking, owns a small company, and we went for a couple of dates, but somehow I just can't get a read on him.

I used to read a lot about psychology, so I know the essentials of body-language reading, but somehow that just confuses me further. Either he's saying he likes me and his body language says he's not interested, or vice-versa.

Sure, I'll continue going out with him until I figure him out one way or the other, but does anyone have any ideas how to speed up the figuring-out?
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Written on: 11. May 2010 14:36
andrea24
andrea24
registered since: 01.04.2010
Posts: 31
Just hint that there's another man, who's interested in you. That should make him make up his mind.

Men are silly when it comes to emotions. And contrary to the popular belief, it's them, they don't know what they want.
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Written on: 11. May 2010 16:36
William
William
registered since: 19.04.2010
Posts: 35
Well, you could take the big leap and just verbally ask him whatever it is that you want to know.

Or you could state facts....something like: "I used to read a lot about psychology, so I know the essentials of body-language reading, but somehow you are confusing me. Either sometimes when you say you like me your body language says you're not interested, or vice-versa."

Or...you could use the age old trick and simply stop chasing him. Let him do the chasing. If he doesn't chase you, then he doesn't want you.

Or...you could just accept that he's confused or conflicted. Do what you want and let him make his own decisions. For example, if you want sex, just tell/show him. If he says "no", so be it and move on.

Soooo many options!
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Written on: 12. May 2010 09:56
Horus
Horus
registered since: 06.04.2010
Posts: 16
I would have to agree with williamawelch here. Just ask him. He's a guy and unless he's got some issues, he won't hold it against you. If anything, it'll be a plus.

If you stop chasing him, he might think that you lost all interest and if he's not the pushy type, he might stop chasing you as well as a precaution.

Anyway, just ask icon_smile.gif

GL!
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Written on: 12. May 2010 16:53
lollypop
Topic creator
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63
It's easy for you guys to say "just ask him". I really am starting to like him and don't want to risk doing a mistake, even if it's a very unlikely mistake.

I think I'll just take him to a very romantic date and try some physical contact. Now the only question is, how do I get the amount of romance that would make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, without making him think I'm going for the ring already? Suggestions?
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Written on: 13. May 2010 15:13
William
William
registered since: 19.04.2010
Posts: 35
You like a guy who doesn't find you sexually attractive? Hmm...

If you can't get a guy warm and fuzzy inside with a "come-hither" look or a caress of his arm, then he is probably not very sexual.

I do understand that some men just need to be led by women. They are passive either naturally or because they fear scaring a woman away. But you don't sound like the kind of woman who represses her sexuality or punishes a man for being sexually frisky.

If you are looking for simple ways that are not very agressive to determine what he wants...then try the really age-old ones first. They've worked for women for 10,000 years. Why not you?

1) Get him to talk about himself
2) As him to solve a small problem that you have (say a landlord or job issue). Men love to solve problems and it might show you how he feels about you.
3) While walking, hold his arm and press your breasts against his arm. If he shakes you off, he is either not interested or gay.
4) If you want to kiss him, then stand against a wall and look at his mouth with your head tilted upwards (assuming he his taller than you).
5) Ask him about his past girlfriends

If you are feeling more confident:
6) tell him that you like his hands or arms or eyes or whatever actually turns you on.
7) ask him what he finds romantic
8-- show off your cleavage and when (not "if" hopefully) you catch him checking you out, mention that you hope that he likes them.

Have fun! If you've not having fun, dump him even if you think someday you can change him into Mr. Right. If he is sexually dead with a woman as interesting as you, then he is Mr. Wrong. Don't you think so? What would you tell your best friend?


[This article was edited 1 times, at last 13.05.2010 at 15:28.]
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Written on: 14. May 2010 11:14
lollypop
Topic creator
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63
I'm a bit embarrassed to say this but I memorized that list of yours William *blush*. So last night we went for "dinner and a movie" and again he was the usual self, inviting and rejecting at the same time. I was going to move through the items on the list but except for asking him questions about him part everything seemed to be going badly. I even hugged him, explaining I just felt like it, and obviously my breasts pressed against him, he just went all stiff, and not in the way I'd want him to.

Well, that kind of made me angry so I literally grabbed his head and kissed him...

Turns out the guy has never had a girlfriend and was scared stiff because he didn't have a clue what to do next, since he never got this far with a woman and was too scared to actually do something for fear of losing me as well.

So now I'm proud to say that I have a new boyfriend and we're embarking on the way to happiness icon_biggrin.gif *happyyyyy*

Btw, is it weird if a guy in his late twenties has never had a girlfriend? He did focus on his studies and then his company really hard but still?
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Written on: 14. May 2010 15:11
William
William
registered since: 19.04.2010
Posts: 35
Lollypop,

I'm very proud of you! Yipeee. That's what life is about: taking risks and going for what you want.

Yes, it is odd that a man in his late 20s has never had a girlfriend. You sound like the perfect woman to catch him up on all that he's missed. Let's just hope that he's repressed a lot that he can now express.

Do let us know how it goes!
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Written on: 14. May 2010 15:24
Horus
Horus
registered since: 06.04.2010
Posts: 16
Congrats from me as well icon_biggrin.gif

I don't get it though. I can't imagine how much into studying and work one would have to be to completely miss out on women because of that. I do have another idea what the problem might've been though. If he was also so "courteous" with other women as well and never actually tried anything himself, all of them may have just put him in the friend zone and that was it. I actually have a friend that's 28 and never had a girlfriend just because of that single thing. He's too nice and never even tries anything even remotely sexual (not even something as natural as looking at a woman's breasts icon_razz.gif).
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Written on: 18. May 2010 11:23
andrea24
andrea24
registered since: 01.04.2010
Posts: 31
lollypop, don't get your hopes up over a guy. That's how it was with me and look where it got me. Heartbroken and chocoholic again.
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