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Open relationship

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Written on: 6. May 2010 11:08
Horus
Topic creator
Horus
registered since: 06.04.2010
Posts: 16
In another topic there was some talk about getting a lover with your partner's permission, if they don't want to have as much sex as you do.

Made me think. Why wouldn't you make the relationship completely open then? I mean, if you can sleep with one other person, what's the difference if you add another? And another?

The only catch I might think of is that the partner would have to pre-approve the one lover, in which case I guess that most people wouldn't approve of anyone whom they considered better-looking than they themselves are.
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Written on: 7. May 2010 15:32
lollypop
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63
Well, don't you think there's a difference between having to fear that ONE woman could take him away or that ANY woman could?
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Written on: 22. May 2010 23:11
giselle
giselle
registered since: 22.05.2010
Posts: 18
Hi everyone!

I'm new to this forum and I'd like to share some of my experience on open relationships.

Well, the fact is, I'm having one right now. It's been going on for about a year.

It started as a really easy-going relationship. In the meantime I totally fell in love with the guy but I guess he doesn't share my feelings although he says he loves me, too.

He's the only one for me but I'm not the only one for him. He says he loves me but ocasionally he still has sex with other women. I do too, I mean have sex with other men, but it does not satisfy me. It's more about forgetting the pain, I guess.

I'm just wondering if this relationship could ever get to the next stage or if it's better to forget about it and move on.

Any thoughts?



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Written on: 23. May 2010 00:55
William
William
registered since: 19.04.2010
Posts: 35
Giselle,

You kinda nailed on the head one of the several most difficult parts of open relationships.

Does he know that this type of relationship emotionally hurts you? If so, what does that say to you about him?

Sounds like you have decisions to make. So...you have four choices:

1) Change him (unlikely)
2) Change yourself
3) Accept the status quo
4) Leave

If you do nothing, that is the same as (3).

It is unlikely that you will change him. At a minimum, you can't assume he will change.

There is also little chance that you will change. If you are already having sex with other men and don't like it, then you know that an open relationship is not going to fulfill your needs.

Can you accept the status quo (him happy with other women and you not happy) for the rest of your life? If not, how long will you wait to see if you or he changes?

Does he at least care enough to make sure you don't get HIV or another STD?

Be careful. You live once. Enjoy every moment that you can and avoid things that don't make you happy or give your life meaning. Hard to do...but, I think it is a good goal in my life.
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Written on: 24. May 2010 10:20
lollypop
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63
I can't imagine what it must be like for you to have this kind of a relationship. It was hard enough for me to have an affair with a married man and share him with only one person.

I think the best way for you is to get out of this relationship as fast as you can! It seems like enough harm has been done already.

Good luck!
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Written on: 24. May 2010 15:45
giselle
giselle
registered since: 22.05.2010
Posts: 18

William,

I guess I know what I have to do, but it's really hard to do it, because the sex is totally awesome.

I've said to myself a couple of times before that I will stop seeing him, but then we spend one evening together and all of my emotions come back.
But I see that I'm destroying myself with this relationship. He says he likes his life the way it is now so he won't change. And I can't pretend that I have no feelings either. Although he had a long-term relationship before, I suppose he just doesn't want to commit to me.

Have you ever been in a open relationship?
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