Confusion

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Written on: 29. May 2010 15:23
NoirChatte
Topic creator
NoirChatte
registered since: 29.05.2010
Posts: 20
Hi guys,
I have this problem on my hand.
I work with a guy that I'm really into, and I would like to hint him somehow. The problem is that I'm very, VERY shy when it comes to men I'm interested in. Hell, I even convinced my 2 co-workers/friends to help me a bit, but what I got is the you're-not-his-type response, but I dunno whether it's really that or just a mask to not msake a fool of himself. He supposedly said that he doesn't want an affair at work, but I'm not looking for that. I want someone to be with. Now I'm getting more and more confused and dunno what to do anymore.
Any advice?

[This article was edited 1 times, at last 29.05.2010 at 16:59.]

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Written on: 29. May 2010 22:09
andrea24
andrea24
registered since: 01.04.2010
Posts: 31
Hi NoirChatte,

It would be easier to give advice if you told us more about your relationship with this guy.

How well do you know him? For example, do you often talk to him at work or do you just say hi to each other? Do you ever go for drinks together with him and your other co-workers after work?







[This article was edited 1 times, at last 29.05.2010 at 22:12.]
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Written on: 29. May 2010 22:35
NoirChatte
Topic creator
NoirChatte
registered since: 29.05.2010
Posts: 20
I don't know him very well. We've been working in the same factory for almost 3 years, but in other departments and I only met him about 3 months ago when I got transferred. We don't get to talk much, cause he takes care of maintaning machinery and I'm just a blue-collar and often stuck to my molding machine and don't get to move around much. Besides I'm shy as I said, therefore it's not easy for me to just come up to him and start conversation although I try. We didn't have drinks togother as of yet, but maybe soon there'll be a chance to do so. It's 3-shift work, so it's quite difficult to go to drinks often.

[This article was edited 1 times, at last 29.05.2010 at 22:37.]

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Written on: 30. May 2010 00:51
lollypop
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63

I've been really shy when I was younger but I just got over it after sometime. I had similar problems with guys than you, but now I often regret not trying to do anything. I also read some self-help books about self-esteem and they helped a bit. I know it's hard to come out of your shell. It helped me to say to myself: what's the worst it could happen if I do this or that? Now I think it's better to try than to regret it later.

Even though you don't get to talk to him a lot, my advice would be to try and get him to notice you. Be positive, put a smile on your face when you greet him.
Maybe you could get a new haircut or something just to make you feel more confident. Or if you are at the same shift try to leave at the same time as him and maybe there is a chance to say something to him. If it's at the end of the week, casually ask him what his plans are and you could go out to the same place that he mentioned he's going. Or if you know the places that he likes to go to, try to go there and see him out of the work environment.

I hope this helps a little.

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Written on: 30. May 2010 01:06
giselle
giselle
registered since: 22.05.2010
Posts: 18

What kind of a guy is he? Is he also shy and likes to keep to himself, or is he talkative and has lots of friends?

What do you know of his previous relationships?
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Written on: 30. May 2010 01:22
NoirChatte
Topic creator
NoirChatte
registered since: 29.05.2010
Posts: 20
Wow, that really improved my mood icon_smile.gif
I'm so called late-bloomer. Not physically, but emotionally. Ludicrous? Yeah, especially when I'm already 23 and haven't been in a relationship in like.. never. I'm serious I've never had a boyfriend.
I try to smile a lot. Besides it's not difficult to make me smile. Plus, I often blush when he's around.
You know, we had night shift this week and I just got from last one saturday morning, but that's not relevant. What I just noticed is that, HE actually asked what kind of plans I have for this weekend. Dunno if he hinted on sth or what. I'm not good in reading such signals, though I have no problem reading people's intentions generally.
Okay, back to topic, he's the shy type too. Maybe not as shy as me (he's 7 years older than I am), but still. What I know about his ex? One of his ex-girlfriends actually works with me and they see each other then. What I learned few days ago is that he's still living with his other ex. They rent a flat together. It's a bit messed up.

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Written on: 30. May 2010 01:26
NoirChatte
Topic creator
NoirChatte
registered since: 29.05.2010
Posts: 20
Hey, I just found out that my lecturer from Translations is going to have a concert soon (he's in a rock band). Maybe it could be a good idea to invite my crush there?
If so, how do I do it and not make an idiot out of myself?

[This article was edited 1 times, at last 30.05.2010 at 01:27.]

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Written on: 30. May 2010 05:31
William
William
registered since: 19.04.2010
Posts: 35
You sound delightful. You face the problem that soooo many men face. Being willing to crash and burn for a chance at love...that is the test that we men must endure over and over again. It hurts so badly when you are shot down. But when you win the woman of your dreams, it just feels soooo right.

You sound like a delightful person. If he laughs at you and says..."Of course not, why would I even consider going out with you"....what would you feel? Decimated that some attractive man blew you off?

If so, don't ask. As unlikely as it is that a good man would do that, ideally you find some peace in yourself. It is very unlikely that a good man would be anything less than thrilled even if he could not accept your invitation. Any thing less from him suggests that he is not right for you.

So...use the age old tricks. Be where he is. Bat your eyes at him. Give him reasons to find you. Hint about your concert. If it flows, then great! If not, then perhaps another time with him if he is gracious. Or...find another man, perhaps even better.

It's hard but women have been doing it for 1,000s of years.

[This article was edited 1 times, at last 30.05.2010 at 05:33.]
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Written on: 30. May 2010 15:05
NoirChatte
Topic creator
NoirChatte
registered since: 29.05.2010
Posts: 20
Delightful? Why, thank you. I take that as a compliment, though I don't know what you mean icon_wink.gif

I'm really afraid of being shot down yet AGAIN. It really hurts. Maybe it wouldn't as much but I see him on daily basis 5 times a week. It would be very hard to make a good face to a bad game.

I would like to give him reasons to find me, but I have no idea what to do to acomplish that. I'm after all, very unexperienced on the dating field.

I had a heart-to-heart chat with my friend not long ago. He said that I don't have to act so brave. Maybe that's where's the problem? I act thougher than I am in reality.

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Written on: 30. May 2010 18:08
lollypop
lollypop
registered since: 08.03.2010
Posts: 63

Hey,

well, that's a good sign that he asked you about your plans, especially if he's the shy type too.

If you gather the courage and invite him to the concert don't be too hurt if he turns you down. After all, you said it yourself that you heard he still lives with his ex and you don't really know what going on there. If he says yes, then just go for it!

If you want to play it safe just mention that you're going to one concert and that it's supposed to be really good, maybe he'll show up.

Whatever feels right at the moment.

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